


Powder Kegs

by QuinnCliff



Series: Shadow on Me [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Boys' Love, Disturbing thoughts, Everybody loves John, Hurt, Jealous Sherlock, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Mental Instability, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Obsessive Behavior, Obsessive Jim, Obsessive Sherlock, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Alternating, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Possessive Sherlock, Psychological Torture, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Teenlock, Tension, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-03 16:53:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 36,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1751843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuinnCliff/pseuds/QuinnCliff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ones we love the most are the ones who hurt us the most.<br/>Sherlock should have known better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Turn around, bright eyes

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Polski available: [Niekontrolowane uczucia](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2490953) by [Luthien_00](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luthien_00/pseuds/Luthien_00)



> Hey there fandom!
> 
> Welcome to a place where no angst is enough! Just kiddin' (not really). Anyway, it's a story about love in its most desperate form and its consequences.
> 
> I want to thank Nightfall24 for being my beta in this fic too, she's the best!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it! (;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The awesome Luthien_00 translated this story to Polish, you can check it here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2490953/chapters/5528120

 

John Watson ruined his life. Everything was fine in Sherlock Holmes’ life before John Hamish Watson decided to make an appearance. He was doing well at school, as expected by his family, and could even ignore all the idiot people who surrounded him. He used to spend the entire day in the lab Mycroft build for him in the backyard of their house. There was not much to worry about, he was mostly bored but at least he had complete control over his life and mind. He followed his brother’s advice and let no one get close, and honestly, he never really wanted to be close to anyone for anyways.

He knew _feelings_ were a waste of time, not by experience, but by watching other silly people falling and stumbling in love. He used to laugh and mock them for being stupid enough to allow someone else to take over their lives, mind and body; to feel sad, happy, angry, jealous, confused because of another human being. It made him sick to even think about it. He used to mumble ‘pathetic’ every time his eyes caught a soppy scene, and he meant it. He was absolutely and irrevocably sure that would never happen to him.

Then, his angel came into his life like an asteroid, destroying and consuming everything. The first time Sherlock locked eyes with John in the corridor of their school, he knew his life had changed. He simply knew those beautiful honest dark blue eyes would be his doom. He was not ashamed to admit that he stalked the boy all day, going to classes that he weren’t on his schedule, watching matches that he didn’t care about, sitting in the refectory he hated, even going to the bathroom when he didn’t need to. Any glimpses he could get of the new boy were a gift and a most marvelous and fantastic pleasure.

Something in his entire body had awoken, everything had turned deliciously messy. When he got home that day he went to take a shower and he had the most satisfying orgasm he had ever had in his life. He thought about John’s compact body beneath his, how John’s hands would feel against his skin, and how his own hands would feel against the other boy’s skin. He thought about feeling that thin blonde hair on his nose and mouth, about cupping John’s beautiful face and kissing his gorgeous lips. How would John taste? How would John feel inside? _John, John, John, John._

It was hard to ignore the idiot people from his school now, for it seemed they all had an interest in his John. They were always around him, laughing and touching him. Sherlock had killed all of them in many different scenarios in his mind, each one more painful than the other. Sherlock almost talked to John a few times, but when he gathered enough courage to walk towards the boy, he was interrupted or he simply got too afraid. He was never angrier at himself like he was then. He shouldn’t be afraid of talking to John, he the boy was always nice and polite to everyone, so surely he would be the same with Sherlock, even if the dark haired boy was called freak and weird by his class mates. Even though Sherlock was following John home every day, to ensure his safe arrival of course, it took the dark haired four days to build up enough courage and break the silence.

“I’m Sherlock Holmes, we have some classes together. Would you like to go out for a coffee after school or, I don’t know, something else. We can do anything you want, I don’t mind. I…” Sherlock’s words went out in one single breath and he wouldn’t be surprise if John thought that he was crazy. He probably was.

To his surprise though, John laughed, not teasing, just an honest and genuine laugh. Sherlock thought he would melt right there with the beautiful sound and the sight of those lovely dimples. “Sure, and I know you are Sherlock Holmes. I’ve been paying attention to you. You’re very intelligent, brilliant actually.”

Sherlock was sure his cheeks were ridiculously red, “Brilliant? Not weird or abnormal?”

John’s brow furrowed, “Abnormal? Well, you could say that I guess, but in a very good way. I’d like to hear some more deductions to be honest.”

That’s when the best period of Sherlock’s life started. It took them five dates – or what John would call, meetings – for the kiss to happen. It was all Sherlock had imagined and more, much more. There were no words or images for Sherlock to describe what it felt like to kiss John Watson. He had never felt something so good in his life, something beyond explanation. They went to Sherlock’s house that afternoon, the place was always empty anyways, Sherlock’s parents were always travelling and Mycroft had moved to Uni. They made love in Sherlock’s bed, and for the first time ever, the brunette thought he could die from happiness. Even after he slipped out of John, he could still feel the boy clenching around him. Everything was perfect. John was perfect. Sherlock thought he was the luckiest being in the universe.

It took some more time for John to agree to publicize their relationship at school and to their friends. Once they did, things changed for John. Some of his friends backed off, some of the people who enjoyed his company didn’t want to be near him anymore. Sherlock liked it, because it would mean John was his and his only and he wouldn’t have to share his boyfriend with anyone else. John was different though, he was broken by the rejection. For a while, all John could do was scow and crying, cursing himself and the others. Sherlock had never been so afraid, he thought John would leave him. He was not ready for it, he would never be, and he wouldn’t be able to bear it if John ended their relationship. John became his air, his sun, his entire life. How could he live without his life?

Three months later, he got over this phase and some boys started talking to John again, they probably realized that John was more than his sexual orientation. Sherlock wasn’t extremely happy about it, but he got comfort from knowing his love was happy again. Not only was John happier, but he also felt more comfortable holding Sherlock’s hands, kissing him in public, and hugging and snuggling in public. Things couldn’t be better, except maybe for John’s domestic life.

His father was a drunk, his mother was dead, and his sister was absent. Sherlock hated when John went back to his own house. If it was up to him, John would not have to go back to that Hell ever again. However, his boy was a care-taker by nature and couldn’t help trying to make things better with his father. Sherlock would sneak into his bedroom window at night and would spoon John’s sleepy body tightly, just to make sure his love was alright and safe.

One of Sherlock’s most beautiful memories was when they spent the afternoon after school together at the park. They were under a huge sycamore tree, both lying down on the grass, Sherlock spread out on his coat with John’s head on his chest. The taller boy had one hand brushing the blonde’s hair and the other caressing his side. They were in a comfortable silence, listening to the birds and the leaves being taken by the wind. Until John looked up and smiled, that smile that always made Sherlock’s arm hair to stand up.

“Dylan from the second year asked me today why I was with you.”

Sherlock’s chest got heavy, as he asked himself that question every day. Why would a creature like John, so pure and perfect, be with someone like Sherlock? He had never dared ask John this question, afraid his boyfriend would realize he was way too good for Sherlock and leave him. However, the smile that John was bearing now relaxed him enough to ask, “and what did you tell him?”

“That you’re the most amazing person I know, my bloody handsome genius,” John leaned into press a soft kiss to his neck, “and that he would be lucky to have someone half as fantastic as you in his life.”

Sherlock thought he would explode with all the feelings in his mind and body. For a moment, he couldn’t say anything, so he just closed his eyes and gripped John tighter. He felt the blonde boy shifting to be beside him, and was surprised when the boy’s lips were on his ear, “I love you, Sherlock Holmes.”

Sherlock took John by the waist and turned their bodies so now he was on top of John, cupping his face, forehead to forehead. Love was not a strong enough word to describe what Sherlock felt for John. It was a mixture of all the best feelings in the world, plus obsession, possessiveness, and jealousy. It was as enlightened as it was dark. But he didn’t want to scary John, so he preferred to say, “I love you, John Watson. _Amour de ma vie_.”

John giggled, he always loved when Sherlock spoke in French, or what the boy called ‘sexy’ talk. They kissed the rest of the afternoon that day. Sherlock couldn’t be happier.

But all good things end eventually.

His paradise lasted for a year and a half.

And then, his life left him for another genius.

\--

“Sherlock? Can you hear me?”

He knew he could open his eyes, but he didn’t want to. What was the point? There was a voice speaking to him somewhere in the room, but he didn’t care whose voice it was. He knew it wasn’t the only voice he wanted to hear. Frustration washed over his tired body, he wished he could disappear forever, he didn’t want to be here, why would they bring him back? He thought he had made himself clear.

“Sherlock? Are you awake?”

The voice spoke again, but Sherlock ignored it. Maybe he could bite his tongue and choke with his own blood. When he tried to do so, he felt strong hands on his face and the annoying voice shouting to someone. He tried to bite harder but those obnoxious hands didn’t let him continue the act. Some seconds later he knew someone had given him a sedative because he drifted into sleep.

When he woke up the voice was gone and he was thankful for that. He also felt something in his mouth, which prevented him from biting. He opened his eyes slowly and stared at an old beige ceiling.

“Oh, welcome back, Sherlock,” he heard the voice, and now he recognized it.

Without looking at him, Sherlock tried to speak but choked with the stupid thing in his mouth. His brother’s hands gently removed the rubber. He swallowed hard and coughed a bit.

“Fuck off, Mycroft,” his voice was hoarse and low from disuse.

“So you can try to end your life again?” Mycroft sounded exhausted but more worried than angry.

“I can do that with or without you in the room.”

“No, you can’t. I won’t allow you to. Can’t you see, Sherlock, you—“

“Spare me from your lectures, Mycroft!” Sherlock finally looked to his brother, who was seated in the bedside chair. “You should have let me died! Who do you think you are to make decisions for me?!”

“I’m your big brother and nobody cares more about you then I do in this world,” Mycroft said. His voice was so calm and soft that Sherlock would have punched him in the face if his hands weren’t tied to the bed. His hands were tied to the bed!

“There’s nothing that will stop me from doing this, Mycroft. You know that. Then why fight me?” Sherlock sighed, angry.

“Because if I don’t fight you, nobody will, not even you. And you’re worth fighting for, brother. You’re worth so much more than you think, you can’t let J—“

“NO! You don’t say his name!” Sherlock shouted. He could not bear listen to anyone speak his life’s name. He wasn’t even sure he could bear speaking it himself. But, he felt like he had to ask. “Did he come here?”

Mycroft simply shook his head and it was like a sharp knife entering Sherlock’s heart. He didn’t expect him to visit anyway, but he had hoped. Stupid hope, always breaking him. His love was probably in the other one arms, they would probably be kissing and hugging, loving each other. These thoughts made Sherlock want to end himself again right there, he didn’t care if Mycroft would watch it or not. There was nothing for him anymore.

“Sherlock.” Mycroft said in a low tone, leaning so his hands touched the mattress. “Please. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, I can’t understand that kind of pain. But try to stay alive. Please? For me.”

Sherlock closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “It won’t be me, Mycroft. It will be just a living corpse, like a zombie.”

“It doesn’t have to be this way, Sherlock. You’ll carry on with time, you’ll get better. You’ll see you don’t need anyone else but yourself to—“

“Stop, Mycroft! You have no idea what I feel. It’s not a ‘teenage crush,’ it’s not something time will erase.” Sherlock’s eyes were filling with tears and he hated himself for it. “He is my life. He is the only reason why I lived, and if he doesn’t want me then why should I stay?”

“You lived very well before him, you can—“

“I said stop, Mycroft! Enough is enough, you should leave! I’m not changing my mind. That was not life…that was surviving this inferior word. I only started truly living when he came to me… He looked like an angel. He still does.”

Sherlock’s vision went blurry and he realized the tears were falling down. Soon enough he was sobbing, his entire body shook and he couldn’t stop all the self-loathing and pity he was feeling for himself. “Why doesn’t he love me anymore, Mycroft?” His brother’s arms were around him in a blink of an eye, rubbing his back calmly to soothe him.


	2. Some dragon to slay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody!
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos/comments/bookmarks!
> 
> This chapter is not betad, so I ask you to (pleaaase) forgive my mistakes this time, and I hope it doesn't disturb on your reading.  
> Btw, I want to say that these first two chapters are basically introduction, and the story will come back to 'present time' next chapter!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it ;*

 

Jim had a scowl on his first day at school. He did not want to be there at all, in matter of fact he didn’t want to be at that city at all. His family had to move from a private and quiet estate in the countryside to this way too crowded town due to his father’s work. At least the house they were at was big and spacious, with a beautiful garden and a warm greenhouse. His room was large so he could keep all of his book shelves, paints and sculptures inside. It was the first room to be tidy and furnished, so it was the calmest one while the rest of the house had staff going up and down carrying heavy things. Therefore it was extremely annoying to Jim to put his backpack on his shoulders and leave the bedroom, crossing all the people and walking through the garden to enter the black car that was waiting to take him to school.

As soon as the car pulled up and he got out, he wanted to run away. Jim didn’t feel intimidated by the people there, he felt disgusted. The dark haired teen had no doubt in his mind that he was superior to everyone in his age, what in his opinion wasn’t something he should be bragging considering how his generation’s youth was frail and obtuse. He never had friends, no one liked him and the few ones that did he found a way to pull them away. He could not care less about loneliness, in fact he preferred it.

The corridor was full of cheerful students talking, hugging, kissing and doing other silly things teens usually did. Jim rolled his eyes and snorted at all the little scenes, heading towards his first class of the day: Biology. When he arrived at the classroom he found it empty except for a small blonde boy who was seated on one of the last chairs on the right corner of the room, he was reading a book Jim couldn’t see the title. The blonde raised his head and smiled at Jim. It was not a fake or merely polite smile, it was honest and warm. _Welcoming_. His shinning eyes were dark blue, it reminded Jim of sapphires. The dark haired boy couldn’t help smiling back. Usually he would sit on one of the first chairs, but he felt oddly compelled to join the boy in the last lines.

When he sat, he took off his backpack and settled his material on the table. After some seconds the blonde boy said, “Hey, you’re new here, right? I’m John Watson, welcome to the circus!” He gave that beautiful smile again, and Jim’s stomach did something weird.

Jim chuckled lightly, which was even weirder, “Right, thanks. I’m James Moriarty.”

John brushed his hair with his fingertips, what seemed to Jim to be a habit, “If you don’t want to spend your first day all on your own, you can stay with me, James. I don’t mind showing you around. I know how it is to feel misplaced.”

Jim nodded. If it was anyone else he would push them away in a heartbeat, but John appeared to have casted some kind of spell on him, “Sure. I appreciate.” The blonde boy grins at him happily, “And please, call me Jim.”

It took Jim two days to admit his attraction for John, four days to admit his passion and two weeks to realize he was in love with him. It’s needless to say that Jim had never fallen in love before and if someone in the past dared to tell him he was going to fall in love so fast he would hire somebody to kick their arse. But damn, how he fell. John was special, he looked so ordinary but behind de soft surface he was so different than everybody Jim knew. He was calm, warm, honest, caring, patient, lovable, but he could also be fierce, stubborn and sassy. Jim couldn’t help but fall in love with all his beautiful complexities. But there was one thing. One thing that disturbed it all.

Sherlock Holmes. He was John’s boyfriend, a very possessive one by the way. And Jim could clearly see he hated their friendship. Every time Jim was with John doing some work or just chatting, Sherlock would appear out of nowhere to grab John from behind, squeezing him tight into his embrace. That was the light times, the worst times were when he cupped John’s face and kissed him hard, just so Jim could see that the territory was marked. But that only let Jim more determinate to end their relationship and most of all, to end Sherlock. He had ended people for much less in the past, it was always so easy being rich and having the right contacts. Even at that young age, he was respected amongst his “employees” mostly because they knew who his father was and what he did for a living. What Jim didn’t know was that he wouldn’t have to do any of these things, that John would make everything easier for him.

One time - four months after his family moved to the city - they were studying Math in Jim’s bedroom (when John could sneak away from Sherlock’s jealousy for a change), the blonde was sitting on the floor focused on the book, and Jim was beside him pretending to be reading as well but hardly being able to focus at all, not when the object of his desire was right there, so close and yet so far from him. He kept staring at John through the corners of his eyes. After a while John turned to look at him with an amused smile on his gorgeous face, “What? Like what you see?” He teased.

Jim cleared his throat, only John had the ability to make him nervous, “Very much.” He said it in a low tone and it sounded more serious than he would have liked it, but damn, it was nothing but the truth.

John giggled and gave what Jim thought to be a flirtatious smirk, “Aren’t you going to do something about it?”

Jim’s mouth dropped and he was sure he looked quite debauched. His mind was confused, something that rarely happened. Was John only teasing him or was he really _flirting_ with Jim? What should he do? He knew what he wanted to do, but he wasn’t sure if John would reciprocate or punch him. “Are you sure you want that, Johnny?” He tried to sound teasing and flirtatious as well, going both ways just in case.

John closed the book and moved closer to whisper in his left ear, “You have no idea.”

And that was it. He could not hold anymore, John’s breath was hot and soft on his skin and he wanted to swallow it. So he did. He took John’s neck with his left hand and cupped his cheek with the other one. Their lips met a little sloppy at first, but then Jim assumed control and gently licked John’s bottom lip asking for permission, the blonde allowed it and then it was heaven. Jim’s tongue explored every single corner of John’s warm mouth, he tasted strawberry jam and grape juice and Jim just couldn’t get enough. Soon his lips were at the boy’s neck, nipping and licking there trying to get all of his delicious scent. When John moaned he could feel it on his mouth that was on the blonde’s throat. John’s hand was on Jim’s hair pulling a little hard, what only made Jim harder.

“Fuck, Jim. You’re good!” John groaned when Jim lifted his head to plant several kisses on the boy’s flushed face.

“Did you expect something else?” Jim chuckled biting his nose slightly then kissing it.

“Actually”, John started but was interrupted by his own moan when Jim lapped his ear, “I was expecting you to do this a long time ago.”

Jim had to pull away at that, still holding John’s face in his hands. He was afraid that if he let it go the boy would run away, “You mean… You… You wanted me to do it?”

John laughed, “Well, for a genius you are slow, aren’t you? Can’t you see how much I want you by now?”

Jim couldn’t believe he was hearing that. He dreamed about John saying those words to him every night, he dreamed about being able to hold his hands and lock their lips in public, he dreamed about being known as ‘John’s boyfriend’. “What about Sherlock?” He hated asking this, but he needed to know to bury the horse once for all.

John shrugged, “I really loved him, he was a good boyfriend. But he got too possessive, too jealous and too obsessed for my taste. He is suffocating me, Jim! You wouldn’t do that, would you?”

Jim would. He actually never blamed Sherlock for worshipping John, he only disliked him for being the one to do that instead of Jim. The blonde boy was way too perfect to stay out of sight, everybody liked him and such preciosity should indeed be taken care of with every fiber of his being. He knew that if he said that he would lose John though, so he shook his head, “Of course not, Johnny. I’d do anything you want, give any space you need.”

John smiled and touched their foreheads together.

He only saw John again in the next afternoon when they shared Chemistry class. They were safe there since Sherlock was one level above them in the discipline. When John sat next to him in their usual places Jim shivered a bit, what if Sherlock refused to let John go or what if John had changed his mind?

He was startled out from his worries when John kissed him on the cheek, “Done.” He simply said, pulling his books and notebooks out of his backpack.

“You broke up with him? And… What did he say?” Jim hated how fragile his tone was, how vulnerable he seemed. Hell, he really was.

“Does it matter?” John smiled at him.

Jim wasn’t sure what to understand by that. “No, but… Did he hurt you or anything? What was his reaction?”

John sighed, “He didn’t hurt me, he wouldn’t do it. Well, it was quite sad really. He cried and kneeled in front of me, asking me to stay, to not leave him.” John closed his eyes for a second, “Sorry, I don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?”

Jim took his hand and squeezed, feeling thrilled for being able to do so in front of everyone now, “Okay.”

When they were leaving the school, walking through the parking lot, Jim was hit in the head by a strong fist. His body fell down on the concrete floor, before he could stand up the same hands grabbed him roughly by the shoulders forcing him on his feet only to knock him down again, this time with a blow on his jaw. His ears were buzzing but he thought he could hear John shouting. Sherlock didn’t stop even with Jim on the floor. He kept kicking him, probably breaking some ribs. It was only after the fifth kick that the strikes ceased. When he lifted his head up he saw some boys holding a mad looking Sherlock tight by his arms. John crouched next to Jim and touched his shoulder slightly. “Someone please call an ambulance! Jim, Jim, I’m sorry.”

Jim wanted to tell John it was okay, he knew Sherlock was going to do something like that, it wasn’t John’s fault at all. But before he could say anything, the other genius’ voice interrupted him, “John! John! He is a scumbag, he is not a good person. I can see that, if you on--”

“Shut up, Sherlock.” John muttered without looking at his ex-boyfriend, his hands travelling through Jim’s mussed hair.

“John! Please please please. You need to see, you belong to me. Not to him, never him! He is not good for you!” Sherlock shouted, his voice sounded desperate.

“YOU are not good for me, Sherlock. Don’t blame Jim for me leaving you. It’s your entire fault! You’re fucking killing me everyday!” John took a deep breath, “I don’t love you anymore, Sherlock.”

Everything hurt in Jim’s body but even in pain he could not help a weak smile.

John was officially his now.


	3. Some of them wanna get used by you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> Thank you all for the comments/kudos/bookmarks, they mean the world!
> 
> This chapter is not betad, so I'll ask you again to (please!) forgive my mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it ;*

 

Victor Trevor loved Sherlock Holmes. He was head over heels for him since first grade, though he never dared to try and talk to the boy because he knew how Sherlock treated anyone who did. Although deep down in his heart he had hope that one day Sherlock would notice him and then they would be friends and maybe boyfriends. Victor prayed that every night with all the atoms of his body. So when he found out that his Sherlock started dating John Watson he cried until his face was as red as a tomato. How he hated seeing them together at school, all entwined and in love, it made his heart ache and his stomach to growl. He got used to it though, after some time. He realized that John made Sherlock happy and that was enough, he really just wanted to see him happy and if his happiness was not with Victor then he’d be okay with it, although it was hard sometimes.

When he saw that terrible scene in the parking lot where Sherlock hit the hell out of Jim Moriarty because of John, Victor started to hate John. He could clearly see the pain in Sherlock’s face when John told him he didn’t love him anymore. Victor wanted to step forward and punch the blonde boy on his face, but he didn’t because despite it all Sherlock would not like it. That night in his bed he kept wondering how John could stop loving Sherlock. How could he stop loving that beautiful, brilliant, fantastic, perfect boy? Victor would never do that to Sherlock, he would always be loyal and completely his. He honestly could not picture a world without Sherlock Holmes.

Two days later a rumor spread fast through the school and it soon was confirmed as the truth. Victor could not believe it. His love tried to take his own life. And all because of John fucking Watson. Sherlock caused himself to overdose the night after their break up, luckily his brother found him before it was too late. It was told that he would be in the hospital for some more weeks receiving the proper medication and then he would go home and stay there until he was healthy enough to go back to school. Victor’s entire body shivered that night and he just couldn’t put himself to sleep, he was tossed and turned until early morning and it was then that he decided what he was going to do.

\--

Sebastian Moran couldn’t stand the sight of John Watson. He just failed to understand why the hell Jim loved the small blonde. The boy had nothing special and wasn’t particular smart or handsome, but the way Jim looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world made Sebastian sick. The two of them were inseparable and they were always touching and kissing as if trying to show everyone they belonged to each other. Sebastian had never talked to Jim, he hated to admit but he was afraid to be rejected. Of course that anyone that looked at Seb couldn’t notice he was in love with the genius, he made sure to keep the cold and impassive surface.

He wanted Jim to see how much he appreciated all of his sides, specially the dark one. He knew the Watson boy kept lecturing about what’s wrong and what’s right and Jim just acquiesced and swore never to do the thing again, but Seb knew him better from all the time he spent stalking and observing the small brunette. He knew Jim would always go back and do something bad. He couldn’t help it, it was in his nature and Seb loved it.

Sebastian also had in his nature to be bad, so he made a perfect plan. John was the captain of the rugby team and they were recruiting new players. Seb had everything they were asking for, he was strong and fast and very very determinate. He didn’t care about the sport but if he got inside the team he could befriend John and then he would meet Jim, and once he met Jim he was sure the genius would realize just how equal they were and how his relationship with John would never work anyway.

With a grin in his face the red haired walked to the gymnasium where John was receiving the candidates.

\--

“Sherlock, you have a visit”, he heard Mycroft’s voice and instantly turned around to look at him, that pathetic sparkle of hope in his chest that probably reflected in his eyes because his brother frowned and shook his head heavily. Sherlock then turned his head again to stare the window.

“Unless it’s him I don’t want to see anyone. Not even you. You should know that by now.” Sherlock said with a hoarse voice from disuse.

“Oh I know that, brother dear. Anyway, this boy even brought flowers. You probably know him from school, Victor Trevor. It would be nice to receive him.” Mycroft’s tone was tired.

“I don’t care, send him away.” Sherlock said simply.

Mycroft went silent and he heard the door being closed. He went back to his mind palace. The place had changed since he met… _Him._ It became _his_ palace, his altar, his sanctuary. Sherlock still couldn’t dare saying his name or even think of it. He knew it would only make his heart and body go crazy (crazier than it was already) and he would probably end up trying to finish himself in front of Mycroft. He promised himself that he would do it only once he was alone and hidden in his bedroom. He couldn’t stop thinking about _his life_ though. His sandy hair, his thin pink lips, those dark blue eyes. It gave him peace and it haunted him at the same time. ‘ _I don’t love you anymore, Sherlock!’_ Tears filled his eyes and as soon as he heard the door opening again he cleaned them.

“Sherlock, this is Victor Trevor.” He heard Mycroft’s voice again and smelled someone new in the room. He turned around to curse both of them out but Mycroft made a sign with his hand and interrupted him, “Victor has some things to say I’m sure will interest you.”

Victor was a skinny freckled platinum blonde with dark green eyes that looked younger than him, although he thought he had already seen him in one of his classes. The boy breathing was heavy and his face was blushed. Sherlock could see he tried to put on his best clothes but combed his hair in a hurry, plus he was wearing a different sock in each foot. _Pathetic_. Sherlock’s eyes turned to his brother again, “There is only one thing that interests me and I doubt he—“

“Oh but it is about _him_ indeed, brother mine. I’ll let you two talk.” Mycroft turned around and closed the white door behind him.

Victor looked a little confused and it took a while for him to let the flowers on the bedside table and took a chair to sit next the foot of the bed. Sherlock was getting impatient, “So, are you going to say or just stare?” He said, irritation clear on his low voice.

“Oh, of course, sorry”, Victor shifted his body uncomfortably and Sherlock wondered why his messenger needed to be such a clumsy person, “First of all, I’m glad y—“

“Oh spare me! Just spit it out!” Sherlock unkindly interrupted.

Victor sighed and clasped his hands nervously, “Well, it’s a proposition really. Wo—“

“A proposition? I thought you had a message from him?” Sherlock snarled.

“Not really, but what I’ll ask has everything to do with him!” Victor quickly added. Sherlock glared at the boy but didn’t say anything, so he went on, “I don’t think he doesn’t love you like he said… I think he does, but he was feeling overwhelmed by you.” Victor waited but all Sherlock did was shiver, he kept going then. “If he realizes you got over him, that you moved on he will miss what you guys had. He will get jealous.”

Sherlock snorted, “That will _never_ happen.”

“But he doesn’t have to know.” Victor said, crossing his legs anxiously.

Sherlock looked bemused but in a second he understood, “You want us to pretend to be a couple. If he thinks we’re really dating he will realize how much he still loves me and he will ask me to come back to him…”

Victor nodded.

Sherlock narrowed his eyes to the boy, “Why would you help me? What’s your interest?”

“I don’t like Jim Moriarty, he was mean to me in History class. I want to see him cry too.” Victor said, and Sherlock noticed he was lying.

The truth behind Victor’s disposition to help would close in two other options, either he was planning a prank on Sherlock or he was interest in Sherlock romantically and thought he might have a chance if they spent some time together under the pretext of helping him getting his love back. Sherlock grinned at this. He could see now it was the latter option. Victor was shy, gangly and Sherlock couldn’t remember him having many friends, so no reason he would play a prank on him. And the boy was clearly more anxious than the proposition asked for, with cheeks red, hands sweating and breathing hard. Yes, Victor was in love with him. Oh well, why not use it in his favor? The plan was surprisingly good and he thought that it might actually work. Victor didn’t need to know that Sherlock couldn’t possibly love anyone but John for the rest of his life.

_John._  Now it didn’t hurt too much to say his name, it felt better. It felt hopeful. His chest was heavy with hope and all the thoughts of him coming back with his John. Soon he would be kissing that beautiful mouth again, scrubbing his hands through that gorgeous hair and touching those lovely dimples. Eyes shining and lips turned into a crazy grin he said, “Deal.”


	4. But in all chaos there is calculation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people!
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos/comments/bookmarks, you make me want to write it everyday!
> 
> This chapter is not betad so I ask you one more time to - please - be kind and forgive my mistakes :D
> 
> Hope you enjoy it ;*

 

Jim had John laid against his chest on the couch of his living room, but even while he caressed the boy’s soft hair he knew his boyfriend was worried, his eyes were out of focus and his body was completely still. He knew exactly where his mind was, “Worried about him, Johnny-boy?” Jim tried to hide his irritation but it was almost impossible. One week before they received the news that Holmes had tried to kill himself, he knew it would upset John so he tried to distract the boy with everything he could, like this stupid Bond movie he liked so much. John’s mood was still not good, but the funny thing is that he didn’t cry or showed any signs of sadness, he was just quiet and indifferent. Jim understood what that meant. “You can tell me what you’re feeling, you know? I won’t be mad. I understand, he was your boyfriend. And I really can’t blame him. If you had left me I’d probably do the same thing.”

At that John turned his head to glare, his beautiful dark blue eyes had a strange gleam, “Don’t you ever say that.” He snapped and then dropped his head back against Jim’s chest.

“I’m sorry. But it’s true, baby.” Jim kissed that precious hair and inhaled the smell of vanilla shampoo. “Do you want to go visit him? I heard he’s leaving the hospital tomorrow.”

“No. I don’t want to see him.” John simply said, his voice was low.

“I understand if y—“

“I said no!” John snarled and stood up walking to grab his green jacket.

“Where are you going? Jo—“ Jim went after the boy and tried to grab his arms but John shrugged him away roughly.

“I really don’t feel like talking right now. It’s been a tough week.” John picked his backpack and headed to the door. Jim ran and stopped between the blonde and the door.

“I won’t let you go before you tell me what the fuck is going on!” Jim said in a commanding tone. He didn’t want to be rude to his love but if he wasn’t John would simply escape.

“What’s going on? Well, let’s see.” John let his backpack drop on the floor, “My ex-boyfriend tried to kill himself because of me! I thought that people at school would look at me as if I’m a monster or something, but no! They treat me like I’m the victim! You, my friends and even my sister are trying to make me feel better for something _I_ caused! It’s all my fault and you’re all just being too nice and you can’t see how this is killing me… It’s me, it’s all on me. If it wasn’t…” John covered his face with his hands and started to sob.

Jim hugged the boy tight and leaded him to the couch again. There he pulled John to his chest in a similar position they were before, but this time Jim’s arms were squeezing John’s small body against him, protectively. “It’s not your fault, Johnny. Don’t you dare to think like that! Do you hear me?” He kissed the boy’s head.

“Of course it is! I knew he was unstable and yet I left him!” John’s words were blurred by his hard breathing and sobbing.

“Do you regret leaving him?” Jim asked as softly as possible.

John lifted his head up to look at him, his eyes were red, “No. I don’t.” He shifted his body so he could straddle Jim and put his arms around the dark haired boy’s neck. “I just can’t help feeling guilty and… I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Sherlock in the eyes again.”

Jim leaned to kiss John gently on both cheeks, holding his boyfriend’s waist. “I don’t want you to feel guilty. Stop it. Anyway, I’m always here for you if you need to say something, okay? Don’t hide everything to yourself ‘cause you know eventually you’ll blow up. Just like you did now.” Jim giggled and peppered John’s gorgeous flushed face with quick kisses. “Okay?”

“Fine. Sorry.” John said pressing his face to Jim’s neck.

“Nothing to be sorry for, baby. Now come here and give me a kiss.” Jim said cupping John’s face and kissing him deeply, reassuringly.

John pulled away after a while to breathe, “You’re the best boyfriend, Jimmy.” Before the young genius could answer John’s cell phone rang. The blonde sighed and moved out of Jim’s lap to pick the object. Jim instantly missed his boy’s weight and warmth.

“May I know who’s texting my boyfriend?” Jim asked in a teasing tone. Although he really wanted to know.

“Oh, Sebastian Moran. He’s in our team now, I chose him yesterday actually. Very strong and cold, we need this kind to win the championship.” John said while he texted Sebastian back.

Jim had never paid much attention to this kid before, but he thought he remembered a tall, thick, ginger boy that answered by Moran in one or two of their classes. Jim didn’t like it, actually he hated the fact that John was the rugby team’s captain, that put him in a vulnerable position with way too many boys hovering over him. Jim was always watching their practices, paying closely attention to anyone who dared get too closer to his boyfriend. He had noted the names of these insolent boys and gave each one a nice surprise. Of course they had no idea Jim was the author of said surprises.

“He’s kissing the captain’s arse already?” Jim joked, hiding the annoyance from his tone.

John chuckled and sat down beside Jim on the couch. “No, he wants to go grab something to eat tonight. He said he used to play with one of the teams we are against and wanted to give me some insights.”

Jim didn’t bother to keep the frown away when he heard that. “What? You didn’t believe that, did you?” He said darkly.

John rolled his eyes, “Please, love, he’s not hitting on me. I think he’s straight.”

“You thought _you_ were straight, so you’re not a very good reference.” Jim said and laid down on John’s legs, the boy began brushing his dark mussed hair. “I think I should go, just to make clear to him that you’re taken.”

John laughed and leaned down to kiss Jim’s forehead. “Jealous git.”

\--

Sherlock dreamed about John. They were walking and holding hands in their favorite park, smiles on their faces and nothing but love in their hearts. And then Sherlock woke up. Alone. On a hospital bed. He felt tears in his eyes but fought to keep them from shedding, he had cried enough for a life time. Soon enough he would only have reasons to smile, soon enough his dream would come true. John would be his again. _He is mine, he just needs to be reminded of it._ He climbed out of bed and went to the loo. When he came back his brother was seating on his usual chair beside the bed.

“Hello brother.”

Sherlock just rolled his eyes and threw himself on the bed again, holding the pillow on his face. He would go home the next day, but he would only go back to school after another week. He wished he could go back that morning, he craved and longed to see John’s face again. Although he knew that he would have to see Moriarty’s face too, and that made his stomach turn. _No worries, Sherlock. The plan will work and soon Moriarty will be the one crying and longing._

“Victor sounded like a nice boy, he really cares about you. That much was clear.” Mycroft said.

Sherlock sighed and spoke against the pillow, “He’s not completely daft.” He needed to pay the boy this compliment, after all the plan was his idea.

“His family is alright, and his grades are very good.” Mycroft said. Of course he would have researched on the boy’s life. Silly. “You’ll need friends right now, Sherlock, so…”

Sherlock removed the pillow from his head and tossed it on the floor near his brother’s feet. “I never needed any friends”, he said disgusted. “The only person I ever needed and will always need is John Watson.”

Mycroft arched his eyebrows, “So I see you started saying his name again. Well, then you’ll like to know that I saw him today.”

Sherlock’s body shivered and his heart started beating fast, “H-how’s he?” He asked in a low tone, anxious.

“I only saw him from my car, but he looked quite well if you want to know the truth. He was heading towards a café with James Moriarty, holding hands. He had a smile on—“

“Enough.” Sherlock cut his brother off.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t want John to feel sad because of him. He didn’t want his love to feel unhappy, of course not, but he wanted to know John was worried and thinking about him. That didn’t seem to be the case though. He shook his head. It was probably Moriarty’s thing, he was keeping John’s mind away from Sherlock. But that would change soon, Sherlock was sure of it. He was going to be the reason John smiled again.

“Gregory sent his greetings and apologized for not being able to visit you. He’s been very busy on the Yard, being a newbie and all, people keep throwing things at him. I said to him I could arrange a better position, but he’s a stubborn man, that one.” Mycroft smiled fondly.

Sherlock grimaced. “I don’t remember asking you a thing.”

Mycroft sighed. “Anyway, I just came by to check on you. I need to go back to work.”

“Please do that!” Sherlock clasped his hands together as in a prayer.

\--

Sebastian arrived his home and as usual there was nobody there. His father was probably with his lover, his mother with hers and his brother with his junky friends. The ginger preferred this way, at least like this he had some peace of mind. He went to the kitchen, grabbed a beer and went back to the living room, sat on the couch and turned the TV on. He wasn’t sure what he thought about his meeting with John and Jim.

Of course he expected Jim to be there, he knew the genius was possessive and jealous over his boyfriend. What he didn’t expect was to actually enjoy John’s company. The blonde was smarter than he thought and had a natural charisma. Sebastian was surprised when he caught himself entranced in a conversation with John instead of focusing on Jim. There was indeed more in John than his ordinary surface showed. Jim was quiet most of the time, an arm around John’s waist and another holding his hand. That annoyed Sebastian at the beginning, it was when he realized it was going to be harder than he thought to steal Jim away. Anyway he asked John to meet him again so they could discuss more about the strategies, and by the look Jim gave them he knew the genius would find a way to be there again.

If anyone asked Sebastian yesterday why he was looking forward to meeting them again he would say one hundred percent because he wanted to “seduce” Jim and be near him. Now he would answer that eighty percent was still because of Jim, but the other twenty percent was John. He took a sip of beer and shook his head. The blonde boy was adorable, but he couldn’t let him disturb his plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I love Jawn. I mean, I really love Jawn. Jawn Jawn Jawn.


	5. And I’m walking with spiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Thank you all sooo much for the kudos/comments/bookmarks, they always cheer me up!
> 
> This chapter is not betad, so I'm really sorry for any mistakes you might find!
> 
> Inspiration hit me like a train on a track, that's why I'm updating so much. I expect it stays that way haha
> 
> Hope you all enjoy the chapter ;*

 

Victor had never been so excited about a Monday like he was in that moment. He woke up really early just so he could have time to prepare himself neatly and perfectly. When he looked his reflection in the mirror he was satisfied. His hair was gelled and combed; his uniform was clean and ironed; he was wearing his favorite perfume and his backpack was brand new. He knew how Sherlock observed all the details so he wanted to make sure he noticed how tidy and well maintained he was for him. He quickly brushed his teeth and left home.

He’s been texting Sherlock for the past week so they could arrange the details of their fake relationship – Victor expected it would be a real one soon – and they decided to play only friends for the first week to appear more natural and not rushed, otherwise John might be suspicious, Sherlock said. So Sherlock would arrive first at school and Victor would go and ask if he needed any help with the schedule, Sherlock would say yes and then they’d be inseparable. Victor was expecting to take two weeks for Sherlock to fall in love with him. Wasn’t it the usual duration people fell in love in the movies? Victor was sure it would happen; after all if you spent too many days in a person’s company you develop feelings for them, right? Victor knew he was not ugly or stupid, so there was no reason for Sherlock not fall in love with him.

When Victor arrived there he locked his bike outside the school and as soon as he entered the building he could hear the whispers about Sherlock’s return. Some people sounded surprised he would come to the same school, others were sorry for him, others were saying he was crazy. Victor ignored them all and just headed determined to their first class. When he got there Sherlock was seated in one of the last chairs, some of the other students were looking at him through the corner of their eyes, and others were oddly quiet. John didn’t share this class with them. Victor took his place next to Sherlock and could not help a smile on his face. Sherlock smelled good, and he looked very well too. His dark curls were strategically mussed, his tie was undone around his neck and his eyes had that silver gleam Victor loved.

“Hey”, Victor said.

Sherlock sighed, “Hey.”

“I know John doesn’t take this class but if we just act friendly near him then people will start speaking”, Victor said low close to Sherlock’s ear.

Sherlock turned to look him in the eyes and Victor’s body shivered with the boy’s beauty. Those cheekbones and those heart shaped lips always got him going. “Okay”, he simply said before turning his head to his notebook.

“So”, Victor started but stopped when he saw what Sherlock was scribbling on the paper. _John. John Holmes._ Victor’s heart broke a little bit, but he tried to fill it with hopes of a brighter future. He cleared his throat and talked again, “So I took notes of most of the things we had the past weeks. Here.” He gave Sherlock a folder he had patiently prepared for the boy.

“Thanks”, Sherlock said not looking and not reaching for the folder. Victor let it beside his notebook and sighed. He wanted Sherlock looking at him again. He knew that was only one way for that to happen.

“John is in your next class.” He said and as expected Sherlock turned to stare at him.

“I know”, he looked at the notebook again but this time he had a smirk on his face, “Moriarty doesn’t.”

\--

He thought his heart would go out through his mouth any moment. His hands were sweating and his legs kept moving restless under the table. John would walk into the room any moment. Their second class was Literature and he knew John couldn’t miss it, they had missed it enough already when they were together, always sneaking away to snog beneath the bleachers or in an empty room. Sherlock smiled at the thought. Soon enough they would be doing it again, he was sure of it.

“Boy, I thought you were a freak before, but now… Ugh, now you just proved you’re a fucking creep.” Sally Donovan’s voice disturbed his thoughts.

He didn’t bother to look at her or the other animals who were laughing beside her. He never wasted his time with idiots and he wouldn’t now. He knew he would be harassed eventually so her words were only confirming the inevitable. He started to scribe back on his notebook, ignoring the bullies that were hovering around his seat.

“I’m just sorry you didn’t succeed, you know? It would be one less aberration in the world”, she continued while the boys laughed, “Seriously, it’s not fair, right? So many sane and normal people who want to live are dying and a freak like you who wants to die is living. So fucking unfair!”

Sherlock sighed and continue his work, focused on his love’s name. He didn’t have to lift his eyes to know that Sally was crouching in front of his table, crossing her arms and smirking cruelly. “Thank God John left you before—“

Sherlock stood up roughly and glared at Sally in a way that made the girl square her shoulders and back away a bit. He could take her offenses, he could take her bad words at him, he didn’t mind being bullied and mistreated. He was used to it. But he would never ever accept her to speak his life’s name in vain. John’s name was sacred and he flinched every time someone spoke it like it was just an ordinary name. “You DO NOT mention him with your filthy mouth, Donovan.” Sherlock snarled at her.

She looked at her idiot friends and they stepped closer to Sherlock, trying to intimidate him. Sally had a childish pout on her face, “Who’s filthy here, freak? And I speak what—“

“Get the fuck away from him! All of you, fucking morons!”

The most beautiful voice in the world echoed through the classroom. Sherlock felt his knees buckle and his body quiver, he thought he would faint right there. Sally and the boys did as his John commanded and backed away quietly giving narrowed-eyed looks at him. He couldn’t care less about them. In fact, the entire world vanished as soon as he heard John’s voice. And now he was actually seeing him. His gorgeous sandy blond hair was longer and Sherlock wanted to brush it with his fingertips immediately; his beautiful ocean eyes were glowing and looking directly at Sherlock; his pink tongue was licking nervously his bottom lip, something Sherlock always loved to see. John Watson was the same perfection he was two weeks ago. And he was Sherlock’s.

It was only when John started walking towards him that Sherlock realized he had been standing there with his mouth open and hands shaking like an idiot. Only John had the power to make him feel like that. John took the seat next to his and started to unpack his material. Sherlock shook his head and sat down, clasping his hands anxiously. He tried his best to look cool but that was impossible right now.

“How are you feeling?” John asked without looking at him.

“I’m better now, a—“

“I’m sorry.” John said quietly. “I’m so so sorry. I really am.”

Sherlock furrowed his brow, bemused. What was John asking sorry for? Sherlock was the one who should be asking his forgiveness. He wanted to tell his love so many things but he just couldn’t find the right words, his mouth opened and closed failing to express all the particularities he was thinking. Then John looked at him. He was so close Sherlock could smell him. Tea, vanilla and wool. So John, so beautiful. He took a deep breath, let the scent soothe him. “There’s nothing to apologize for, John.” His voice sounded hoarse.

“Yes, there is! What you did…” John closed his eyes and sighed, “It was my fault. And I couldn’t even visit you in the hospital…”

“I unders—“

“No, Sherlock.” Sherlock’s body hair stood up with the sound of his name being spoken by his love, “I don’t want it to happen again. Ever. Okay? I won’t leave you again.” He said the last part in almost a whisper.

Sherlock could cry with all the emotions he was feeling with John’s statement. He wanted to reach and hold the blonde’s hand but that would be too bold, John wouldn’t like it. No, he needed to give John time. He expected that with the plan he had this time would be short, that John would realize how much he still loved Sherlock, how much he still needed him soon. Their teacher entered the room before Sherlock could say anything.

\--

Sebastian was in the locker room getting dressed for practice, he was earlier than the rest of the team. He knew John always arrived that hour, he liked to keep things planned before the guys came. Sebastian and John met two more times the past week out of the school, both under the jealous eyes of Jim Moriarty. The ginger one was enjoying more and more John’s company, they both had an interest for the army, they both liked action movies and they both had domestic issues. For the first time in his life, Sebastian was learning what it felt to have a friend. Somehow John made him feel safe, like he could always count on him no matter what. And all that in a week! Of course they also saw each other everyday at school in the classes they share and in the practices. But still, one week seemed a short time to get along with someone so well. For Sebastian, though, it felt much more time, maybe because he spent his entire life holding these feelings he didn’t know he could feel and now they were all exploding.

He thought before their meetings that he was in love with Jim, and in a way he loved him indeed. He felt respect and admiration for the genius. He knew that if he were obliged to serve anyone in his life it would be Moriarty. But John… John was a whole different thing, a completely different sentiment. Sebastian couldn’t quite put a name to it yet, so he called _fondness_. Just when he was dressing his shorts the door opened and an obviously distressed John came in.

“Hey, mate. Everything alright?” Sebastian asked.

“Hey, Seb.” John said and Sebastian’s chest did something funny every time John called him that, “Kinda of, nothing that won’t go away.”

“Not my business, but is it something with Jim?”

“Oh no no. Er… Sherlock is back, so… It’s a bit difficult, but… You know.” John clasped his hands and cleared his throat before picking his rugby uniform from his back pack.

Sherlock Holmes. Sebastian always forgot that Jim wasn’t the only genius in the school. He never cared for Sherlock though, but he knew John and him were boyfriends, very desperate ones in fact. He also heard about Holmes trying to end his life after Jim stole John away from him. He remembered to find that stupid. After all, why would anyone give up living because of another person? He used to think John was ordinary back then. Now he couldn’t judge Holmes. John was like a walking sun, enlightening everything around him.

“If you need anything… You know you can count on me.” Sebastian said a bit awkwardly. He was definitely not used to say such things, but he meant it.

“Sure, Seb. Thanks a lot. You’re a good friend.” John said while he took his shirt off.

Sebastian swore he had butterflies flying inside him.


	6. I'm in the business of misery, let's take it from the top

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Thank you so so much for all the kudos/comments/bookmarks! I have a big smile every time I see one :D
> 
> As usual, this chapter is not betad or brit-picked so forgive my mistakes, please!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it ;*

 

Jim squeezed John’s thigh and bit on his earlobe. John chuckled and patted his hand away, he didn’t mind kissing in public but he always got shy when Jim’s hands started going down. They were waiting for the teacher to arrive, both strategically seated on the last chairs so they could snog properly without too much attention from the others, although all of the students were used with the kissing and touching involving the two lovebirds. Jim was only a bit uncomfortable with the fact that they shared this class with Sherlock. The boy arrived the day before at school and John told Jim they talked once and that’s was it. Jim saw him around and every time he did cold brown and cold silver eyes met with ferocious rivalry. Of course he knew Holmes wasn’t really a rival, after all John loved Jim now and would do it forever; there was no space for Sherlock Holmes in their lives. But still, he couldn’t help but staking his claim on the blonde every chance he got.

“You know what we should do after school?” Jim asked biting John’s bottom lip.

“What?” John asked running his hands through Jim’s hair.

“Go to that ice cream shop you love so much…” Jim kissed John deeply, cupping his face with both hands.

John pulled away to breathe, “Yeah, that’s a great idea”, he giggled and nipped slightly at Jim’s jaw.

It was on that moment that Sherlock entered the classroom. Instinctively Jim dropped one of his hands to John waist and held him tight. The entire class went quiet and still. It was expected, after all they all wanted to see the three boys’ reaction to each other at the same room for the first time after the fight. Jim kissed John’s cheek and the blonde turned his eyes to the door noticing something weird. The genius felt John’s skin getting hot with the sight of Sherlock laughing with some other boy, not even giving one glance at Jim and John. He didn’t remember the name of the other skinny blond boy but it didn’t matter anyway, what mattered was that he was distracting Sherlock from looking at his love and that was enough to thank the boy mentally. The boys sat in two of the first chairs and they kept talking cheerfully all the time. Everybody in the class went back to their previously conversations. John crossed an arm around Jim’s shoulder and hid his face on the dark haired boy’s neck.

“Alright?” Jim asked. He didn’t want the scene to bother John, it shouldn’t really.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” John lifted his face and kissed Jim softly on the lips. “I love you.”

Jim smiled with that warmth in his chest that only John caused. “I love you too.” They kissed a bit more until the teacher arrived and John sat back properly on his chair. “Ice cream after school, don’t forget it.” Jim whispered and John nodded smirking at him.

\--

It all happened very fast. One minute the blonde was running, the other the boys were jumping on him and in the end Sebastian was carrying an injured John Watson out of the field towards the infirmary. The shorter boy had one hand around Sebastian’s neck and the other holding his arm. John shouted to the boys to keep training, that he was okay and those things happened. It was true, but that didn’t stop Sebastian from being worried. The blonde looked so fragile, his face was flushed and his cheek had a small cut from the fall; the main injury was on his leg though, it looked like his thigh was distended. If Sebastian could take anything good from the situation would be John’s warm body so close to his. It was almost overwhelming having the blonde leaning on him like that. He felt a strange urge to just shelter the boy from everything just to keep him safe. He had never felt that before and the feeling seemed odd in his mind so he shook it off.

When they arrived at the infirmary, the nurse asked Sebastian to put John on a litter. The ginger boy did it carefully and as gently as he could, immediately missing the heat that was radiating from John in the moment they let go of each other. John moaned a little from the pain on his thigh and Sebastian almost growled in anger; his friend was in pain and there was nothing he could do. _Frustrating_. The nurse asked what happened and they both tried to explain the blurred events with trembling words. She leaned over John to examine him and Sebastian sat on a chair next to John’s feet. After some minutes the door was roughly opened and a hurricane called Jim Moriarty entered.

“John! John, John, what happened?! How are you?!” He exclaimed sitting next to John’s thigh and touching his wounded cheek gently.

John gave him a weak smile, “I’m okay, love. Shit like this happens in rugby all the time. No worries.”

“Who did it? Who hurt you?!” Jim asked, his voice angry.

“The game hurt me, it was no one’s fault in particular. Like I said, it’s normal to get hurt playing, Jim.” John held Jim’s hand, trying to soothe his distressed boyfriend.

“So no more rugby for you, Johnny. That’s it. Tell the team you won’t be playing anymore.” Jim’s tone was full of command and determination.

John snorted, “Oh please. You don’t get to tell me what to do. And it’s not like this is the first time I got hurt.”

The nurse came back with gauze and with a bag of ice, “It’s distension, Mr. Watson. I’ll put this ice on the distended place and then I’ll cover it with the gauze just to have some pressure to avoid swelling. I’ll need you to keep your leg up. After that I’ll give you an anti-inflammatory pill and then I’ll let you go home.”

John nodded. Jim glared at the woman. “Are you sure that’s it?”

“Yes, Mr. Moriarty. Now if you excuse me…” She went to put the ice on John’s leg but Jim held her wrist.

“I can do that.” He took the ice and the nurse just sighed, leaving them there. Jim gently lifted John’s shorts and pressed the bag of ice gently on the skin. The blonde groaned and Jim leaned to kiss him on the forehead. “I miss one practice and look what happens”, he said but there was no anger on his voice anymore, only concern.

“It’s no big deal, Jim. Stop the drama, please.” John rolled his eyes and then looked at Sebastian who was still seated and quiet, “Seb helped me getting here.”

Jim turned to look at the ginger boy for the first time. “Thank you”, he said roughly.

“Anything for John”, he said without thinking. Jim narrowed his eyes to him and for a moment Sebastian thought the genius would stand up and punch him. He didn’t mean to say that, it just came out impulsively. “He’s our captain and the general team rule is to protect the captain with everything you can.” He made it up and was proud of how his voice sounded cool even with all the jitters.

Jim didn’t seem to buy it, but Sebastian noticed something enlightened in that mind of his because he let the matter go with a nod. “You can go now, Sebastian. No reason you’d stay here anymore.”

“True, Seb. Go back to the practice and tell the boys that I’m okay, please.”, John told him and there was some kind of relief in his eyes.

Sebastian didn’t want to leave John and he couldn’t figure it out why. Or maybe he knew exactly why but just couldn’t admit it. _He’s your friend, you’re worried._ _That’s all._ He tried to tell himself, but deep down he knew it was a lie. He stood up and before he crossed the threshold he looked the couple. Jim was worthy of his respect but he was too short and skinny to protect John with his own hands in an immediate threat. Sebastian on the other hand was strong and knew how to get physical. Suddenly an idea popped in his head and he wondered if it was the same thing Jim thought when Sebastian said he would anything for John. That was something they could work out.

\--

Sherlock threw his backpack on the wall and screamed at nobody. He jumped on the bed and hid his face on the pillow, squeezing it around his neck as much as he could. He wanted to feel physical pain, he deserved it. He just wanted to punch the concrete and watch as his knuckles bleed, but he couldn’t find the will to leave the bed. His mind and body were exhausted from that terrible day. He regretted the plan in the minute he entered the classroom and saw through the corner of his eyes Jim and John cuddling. He hated having to pretend to be okay, to be over John, to act like he didn’t care. Inside he was a disaster, imagine the merger of a volcano, hurricane and earthquake. That was Sherlock’s mind in that moment. He just wanted to run, punch Moriarty hard and then hold John tight in his arms. But no, he had to keep the amused face, he had to wear a mask and fake interest in some bullshit Victor was saying.

He thought that was going to be the worst, but he was wrong. He was on the corridor going to his next class when he heard two guys talking about how John was hurt on the rugby practice and taken to the infirmary by one of the other players. Sherlock’s body frozen before he start running to meet John but Victor held his arm and said that if he did so he would eliminate all chances of John coming back to him, that his love would only see him as a friend, knowing that he still had Sherlock on his hands and that wasn’t attractive. Sherlock cursed Victor but acquiesced. _Damn him, isn’t he right._ How long would it take for John to be completely his again? Each day without John was a slow stab to his heart.

\--

It took exactly two weeks for John to come back to school. Victor should be pleased it took so long, after all the ‘John-free weeks’ should be _the_ time when Sherlock finally realized he was in love with Victor. But that didn’t happen. In fact, it seemed quite far from it. When they were at school they had to pretend to be very intimate, always touching and whispering things in each other’s ear. Not quite a romantic relationship yet, but growing to it. They needed to slow down so it could seem legit in everybody’s eyes and in consequence in John’s eyes. Sherlock almost didn’t comply with it in the absence of John, but Victor convinced him to do so otherwise it would be weird to suddenly start a relationship only in front of John. It seemed like the entire school was sure they were together, Victor could hear the whispers and rumors. It made him proud but it also made him frustrated.

Out of school Sherlock ignored Victor completely. He didn’t answer his texts, he didn’t answer his calls, and he didn’t want to go out not even as friends. It almost seemed he hated Victor. But he knew better, it was not his fault. It was just that everything else in the world seemed superfluous and dispensable for Sherlock unless John. Victor caught Sherlock smoking three times in the weeks John was out. The boy also seemed blowzy with his own body. He didn’t eat, combed his hair or changed his shirts. He didn’t seem to have any will to do anything, and Victor hated to watch it all without being able to help him somehow.

He arrived before Sherlock at the school that day (the day John would be back) and was waiting for him with his back against the wall near the school gates. Sherlock appeared some minutes later looking completely different from the previous weeks. He was wearing fresh and clean uniform, his hair was the organized chaos Victor loved and he looked healthier. _All for John_ , Victor thought disdainfully. Coincidentally at the same time he saw John and Jim walking towards the gate holding hands and laughing about something. Victor noticed that Sherlock glanced at the couple through the corner of his eyes, although the act was really discreet.

Then something Victor wasn’t expecting happened. Sherlock turned his collars up and strode heavily towards the platinum blonde boy, cupping his face and kissing him fiercely. Victor’s knees buckled and his hands instinctively flew to grab Sherlock’s back. When their tongues met he forgot the entire world. All that mattered was Sherlock. And him. And their mouths together. And the pressure of the other boy’s hips on his, pulling him against the wall.

“Get a room!”

Victor heard someone shouting at them. He pulled away and giggled. He had never been so happy in his life. He actually was kissed by the boy he loved! What a sensation, pure bliss. Sherlock was a hell of a kisser, and all Victor wanted to do was to repeat the dose but the bell rang and they needed to go inside. _Okay, maybe I can steal some more during the day_. There were eyes on them when they entered the school. Sherlock reached for Victor’s hand and held it. Victor thought his heart would jump out of his body any time now. It felt marvelous to feel Sherlock’s skin on his and it felt even better everybody knowing that:  he was with the one and only Sherlock Holmes.

\--

Jim needed to take a deep breath and look away, otherwise he would have laughed out loud at the bizarre scene. He was suspicious of Sherlock and Victor pretending the whole thing and now he got the confirmation. That kiss was as true as two plus two equals five. _So Sherlock wants to make John jealous._ Jim thought the idea was amusing, especially when John hadn’t shown any kind of reaction to the couple’s public display of affection. When would Sherlock understand that John was over him? That John wouldn’t go back to him no matter what he did? It was still funny to Jim, and deep down he knew he should let it be until Sherlock realize John didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. But that little devil that always sat on Jim’s shoulder was telling him to play with it, make the other genius suffer just a bit more. Yes, he needed to suffer for having the audacity of hoping that John would go back to him.

Jim and Sherlock shared their first class of the day, and in the moment the taller boy entered the room, the shorter put on his best grin and went to lean against Sherlock’s desk. “Good morning, Holmes. Day started well?” He asked in a teasing tone.

“Perfect, in fact.” Sherlock answered glaring at him, a not humorous smirk on his face.

“Great. So, I was thinking… Now that you and Victor are officially together, why don’t we have a double date at the ice cream shop? I promised to take Johnny-boy there, but after his injury we never went. What do you think? You, Victor, Johnny and I for a gelato!” He sang the last sentence cheerfully.

Sherlock seemed to think for a moment, his hands clasped each other and Jim noticed a shiver going through the lean body, “Of course. Why not?”

“Fantastic! Is this afternoon good for you two?” Jim asked, smiling broadly.

“Sure”, Sherlock’s deep voice was almost a hum. “We will be there.”


	7. Please don't take him even though you can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> Thank you soooooo much for the kudos/comments/bookmarks, they always make my day brighter and inspire me to go on and on!
> 
> This chapter is not betad or brit-picked so forgive my mistakes, please!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it!

 

Victor was anxious about the double date, and he couldn’t even say the proper reason. He wanted to make Sherlock proud, he wanted John to see how well they were, but he was also afraid that Sherlock’s ex-boyfriend would obfuscate him completely. The kiss Sherlock gave him in the morning was still the main character of his thoughts, he even licked his lips absently trying to taste his boyfriend’s mouth. _Boyfriend?_ He wasn’t sure what they were at that point. The only thing he knew was that he wanted Sherlock’s lips and hands on him.

“Let’s go”, his love’s voice spoke on his ear, shaking him out of his reveries.

“I thought we would go with them to the ice cream shop.” Victor asked when Sherlock took his hand and they started to walk down the street.

“John has to solve something with his rugby team so they’ll be late.” Sherlock looked at Victor and oddly there was none of the usual smugness or despise. “How was your exam?”

Victor’s eyes widened at the sudden question, it was so not-Sherlock. “I think I did alright. T-Thanks for asking.”

Sherlock just nodded and squeezed his hand tighter. Victor wasn’t sure what to think of all of this. Was this part of their fake relationship? But there wasn’t anyone from school looking. There was no reason for Sherlock to act like that. _Unless…_ The deep kiss, the holding hands, the sweet words and the off-character situations. _Sherlock loves me. Sherlock loves me. Sherlock loves me?_ He couldn’t believe it. Part of him was saying it was all just a trick, but another part – the stronger one – was saying that his plan finally worked out. He had to ask then. “Sherlock?”

“Yes?”

“Er… Are we… Are we boyfriends?” Victor could feel his face blushing.

Sherlock pulled Victor closer and let his hand go just so he could wrap Victor’s shoulders with his arm. “Yes, of course. I thought that was obvious.” His tone was light, so was his beautiful smile.

Victor thought he could explode at any moment. He even looked around to check if there was someone they knew around. No one. Sherlock meant it.

 --

The sight of John coming out of the shower with wet skin, damp hair and towel around his waist was watering Jim’s mouth. He wanted to pull John against the nearest wall and fuck him right there, but they were already late for the double date and the school locker room wasn’t a good place to do it –he wouldn’t mind it but he knew John would – so he just handed his boyfriend’s clothes and took a deep breath to alleviate the pressure in his trousers. He waited until the blonde put on his jacket to grab him for a deep but quick kiss.

“Bloody hell”, Jim whispered on John’s skin when they pulled away a bit.

“What?” John asked, bemused.

“You. You’re bloody gorgeous, you know that?” Jim ran his thumb on John’s cheek gently.

The shorter boy blushed and giggled, “And you’re Mister Sex.”

They both laughed and kissed one more time before taking each other’s hands and leaving for the ice cream shop. They walked relaxed and happy, with smiles on their faces and now and then some kisses and tickles. Jim had never felt more secure in his relationship with John like he did now, and he was excited to rub it against Holmes’ face. Jim wanted to take John’s and his happiness and scrub it all over the other genius’ being. He needed to see his ‘ex-rival’ losing faith and hope, watch that pathetic gleam leaving his eyes. It would be a beautiful vision.

When they arrived at the ice cream shop the other couple was already in one of the booths. They stood up when Jim and John got to them, awkward handshakes were given and fake smiles were traded. Once seated Jim’s arm instinctively circled John’s shoulders above their seat. He noticed that Sherlock grabbed Victor’s hand and rubbed it slightly with his thumb. Jim struggled with himself not to laugh out loud.

The waiter came and waited for them all to order. John asked pineapple with rum, Jim asked vanilla with chocolate, Victor asked strawberry and Sherlock asked mint with cinnamon. At this last request Jim felt John’s shoulders going still and he didn’t understand why but chose to let it go because the blonde’s face showed no worries.

“So, John, is your leg completely fine now?” Victor asked with a smile. Jim noticed he was actually happy with the entire situation. _Poor thing, does he have a clue?_

John nodded, “Yes, thank you. I’ll have to stay away from rugby for a while though.”

“What I think it’s a great thing. Rugby does nothing but hurt you.” Jim said, kissing John’s cheek.

John shook his head but smirked, they had that discussion before. “You’re on the volleyball team, right Victor?”

While the two blondes talked about sports, Jim turned his eyes to Sherlock. He wasn’t surprised to see the other staring back at him. His brown eyes were not challenging - it didn’t make sense for him to transmit that to Sherlock, after all there was no challenge, John was already completely his – so instead he made sure to look incredibly tranquil and light, he even smiled a little to Sherlock, nothing exaggerated just a genuinely happy smile. He had to hide the cheerfulness that warmed his chest when Sherlock’s silver eyes looked confused right before turning to check on John who was happily talking with Victor, no jealousy detected on the blonde’s body. When he looked at Jim again there was anger and sorrow. Jim tilted his head and blinked innocently. _Exactly Sherlock, you’re fighting a lost battle. Do you understand that now?_

The waiter came back with their ice creams, and when she left Jim caught sight of Sherlock staring at his mint with cinnamon one, there was desperation in his eyes and Jim felt a very pleasant feeling in his stomach, to disguise his inevitable grin he tasted the vanilla with chocolate ice cream. “Want a bit, Johnny-boy?” He offered his boyfriend.

“Sure”, John leaned so Jim could give him a spoonful. He found the scene quite erotic, but John seemed innocent to his fantasies, “Very good. Want some of mine?”

Jim nodded and John fed him his pineapple with rum ice cream. “Now I know why you like it, the rum is so strong!”

John laughed, “That’s not true, you silly! I’m very fond of pineapples.”

All boys burst into laughter except for Sherlock that looked completely different from how he was in the beginning of the date. His face was dim and his eyes could slice iron with their sharpness. Victor turned to him still red from laughing, “Can I taste yours, Sherlock? I didn’t even know they had this flavor.”

“No.” Sherlock said coldly without even looking at Victor.

The platinum blonde boy went even redder on his cheeks and looked down embarrassed. John let his spoon go and put both arms on the table, his body slightly leaning towards Sherlock, “Don’t be rude”, John said and his voice was firm and commanding, the tone he used to give directions to his rugby team.

Sherlock looked at Jim’s boyfriend and his cheeks turned pink, the look didn’t suit Sherlock. “You know it’s…”

“It doesn’t matter, Sherlock.” John’s voice was softer but he still held the serious tone.

“A bit not good?” Sherlock’s lips turned slightly up, almost in a crooked shy smile.

John’s face relaxed completely and he giggled quietly, “Yeah, definitely a bit not good.”

Jim watched it trying to hide a bit of irritation and confusion he was feeling at the ex-couple’s inside joke. _It doesn’t mean anything, John is not flirting. He’s just being nice_. He kept telling himself over and over again, but the little bug of jealously and insecurity was creeping back to his mind and he cursed himself for it. _There’s nothing to worry about, Jim. Chill. Johnny is yours._ His thoughts were interrupted by Victor standing up. “I’ll go to the bathroom. John, can you come with me?”

John’s brow furrowed quickly but his expression soon changed to gentle, “Of course.” John stood up and Jim gave space for him to leave the booth, taking his hand and kissing it before he joined Victor towards the bathroom.

\--

Victor didn’t need to use the loo, all he wanted was to talk to John. Things had started so well, Sherlock was being so adorable and the date was going alright, but then out of nowhere the mood changed completely. When Sherlock snapped at Victor it was like getting a punch on the face. It hurt deeply. Victor didn’t know a simple word could cause such pain. But wasn’t just the word, was it? His boyfriend’s feature was dark, the gentle expressions that were there before gave away to hard ones. And then John talked to him. Victor wished so badly that Sherlock had snapped at John too. But he didn’t. On the contrary, he got better. They even had an inside joke Victor was incredibly jealous about. He didn’t have an inside joke with Sherlock. Part of him was telling that he had nothing with the boy, but another part was saying he needed to fight for it.

When both blondes were washing their hands, Victor took a deep breath and turned to John. “I need to speak with you.”

John nodded, “I thought so. Look, I’m sorry Sher—“

“Please don’t go back to him.” Victor interrupted pleading, his tone higher pitched than he intended.

“What?” John stared at him with an utter exasperated expression on his face.

“I love him. I love Sherlock. Please, don’t take him away from me! You have Jim, you—“

It was John’s time to interrupt, “Bloody right I have Jim! And I don’t know from where you had the idea of me going back to Sherlock, just erase it! It’s not gonna happen, and not because you’re asking me, but because I love Jim and I don’t need anyone else.”

Victor felt a wave of relief going through his body, but that wasn’t enough to quiet his mind. “And you need to stop talking to him. Okay? Please stop talking to him!”

“What? I won’t stop talking to him. He’s my friend, I… If I stop talking to him…” John closed his eyes for a moment and sighed heavily, “Your relationship is new, it takes a—“

“No! If you don’t stop talking to him he’ll never love me…” Victor’s tone was desperate.

John rubbed his temple with his fingertips, “Victor, stop embarrassing yourself. It’s not my fault he doesn’t love you. Now if you ex—“ John was turning to leave but Victor grabbed his arm.

“He can’t love me if you’re still around! I know I sound pathetic, but people do pathetic things when they love, right?”

“Let me go, Victor.” John warned but his expression was a mix of disgust and impatience. Suddenly Victor was full of anger for this boy who could steal the thing he wanted the most.

“Why would you stay near him anyway? I wonder if you ever loved him!”

“Don’t you dare! You have no id—“ John patted the other boy’s hand aggressively but Victor interrupted before he could continue.

“I love him in a way you will never be able to! I’m the best thing for him, he will see! But you need to stay the fucking away!” Victor could feel his face getting red and sweat dropping on his forehead.

“You know something, Victor? You just fucked up your own story.” John said low and gave a grin that didn’t suit his normal features. A mixture of cruelty and mischievous. Victor froze on the spot.

\--

Sherlock almost got back to the drugs on the weeks that passed, the only thing that stopped him was thinking about John. He knew his love would go back to school, and he also knew he wouldn’t stand a chance if John found out he was using again. It was hard, _very_ hard not to inject though. He had to tolerate Victor’s company for the sake of the plan and it was tiring him to death. Actually, everyone and everything tired him to death, except for John of course. And again, it was only because of John that he still talked to Victor. Then Monday came and John was back, Sherlock’s heart jumped at the sight of his boy well and happy. Unfortunately he was happy with Jim, holding hands and talking. Sherlock decided to speed up his plan, otherwise he would keep seeing lots of Jim and John moments and he just couldn’t take that anymore. So he kissed Victor in front of them.

It was one of the worst moments in his life. He shut his eyes tight and tried to pretend he was kissing John’s lips. All in vain though. The taste was wrong, the texture was wrong, the lips were wrong… Everything was wrong, it wasn’t John. He felt like spitting on the floor but swallowed it. Aiming the greater good – he was sure with all this sacrifice John would be his in the end – he took Victor’s hand and entered the school.  Once he was in class, Moriarty told him about the double date and Sherlock knew that the other genius was aware of his intentions. He hated that smug look on his face so he decided to play along. If he got Victor thinking that he was indeed falling in love with him then it would appear more legit and then John would be _really_ worried and jealous, coming back to him in the end.

He thought everything would work out until the double date. It hurt to see John so in sync with Jim, so decided to cheat on the plan just a little bit, only enough to call John’s attention. He ordered mint with cinnamon ice cream, it was their favorite when they were together, and they used to eat with the same spoon while watching one of John’s favorite movies. It was pure bliss. _Soon, Sherlock_. Then a series of shitty things started to happen on the damn date. First, John didn’t seem to give a crap about him, the ice cream or his relationship with Victor. Second, John started a conversation with Victor like the other boy wasn’t dating his ex-boyfriend, like it didn’t matter. Third, he had a small “eye fight” with Moriarty and surprisingly the shorter genius was the winner. _It’s not supposed to be like this. No, the plan isn’t working. John…_ His mood went downhill from there, he wanted to enter caveman mode, knock everybody down, grab John and put him on his shoulders. _John, please. You don’t belong to Jim. Please see me. It’s your Sherlock._

When Victor asked for some of his ice cream, Sherlock almost growled. How dared him want John’s and his’ favorite flavor? He had no business there. What he could never imagine was that this would lead John to speak with him. Oh, what a pleasure to hear that beautiful voice talking directly to him. Sherlock felt his face getting pink and he tried to make John remember of their good times by taking the ‘a bit not good’ sentence out of the top hat of his mind. John used to say that to him every time he did something socially inadequate, and sometimes when they were in bed. John giggled at that, and Sherlock felt himself the luckiest man in the world despite everything, because he made John giggle! Oh he had an entire wing of phrases to bring John to smile again, but Victor had to ruin it all one more time by asking his blonde to join him in the bathroom.

He ate his ice cream slowly and felt confident enough – the small talk with John definitely helped his mood - to look Jim in the eyes, and was surprised when he found fear there. It was only a trace, but still… _Could you feel the heat between John and me, James? You can try but you’ll never be as connected as we are. Soon enough he will be mine again._ Moriarty didn’t say anything, but they kept locking eyes while the blondes were in the loo. When they came back Sherlock noticed something wrong. John was mad, that much was clear, although he was trying to look cool and unworried. Victor wasn’t mad, but there was something with him too, a mixture of fear and shame? They had argued, that was also obvious. If Victor had said something that hurt John somehow Sherlock would _destroy_ him.

There was an uncomfortable silence in the booth. All the boys ate quietly staring at nothing but their own bowls until Sherlock shifted a bit on his place and accidentally brushed his foot on John’s, who was sitting across from him. He focused on keeping the blood out of his cheeks and kept looking at his ice cream. Just that small touch of shoe to shoe made Sherlock’s cock interested. It was John, after all. Every single physical contact with him would bring Sherlock to the edge. What he didn’t expect was John slightly brushing his foot on Sherlock’s calf through his trousers. It wasn’t an accident anymore. He dared to run his other foot up John’s legs slowly, and while he did that the foot John was using to caress Sherlock’s calf started to mimic the dark haired boy’s gesture. Up and slowly. When he reached Sherlock’s groin, the boy was incredibly hard already.

Lust was like a fog on his mind, keeping him from understanding what it all meant. _John wants me._


	8. No matter how they tossed the dice, it had to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> I cannot thank you enough for all the comments/kudos/bookmarks! You make lack of inspiration impossible to happen!
> 
> Again, this chapter is not betad or brit-picked so forgive my mistakes, please!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it! ;*

 

Sherlock jumped on his bed and stared at the ceiling, his mind far away from his body. The date ended very coldly, each one of the boys went to their respective homes with awkward expressions. Sherlock for his part was trying to hide the excitement he was feeling with John’s caress under the table. What was going to happen now? He kept wondering. Would John talk to him about it or was it just something of the moment? He sighed when he heard his cellphone buzzing, surely was Victor annoying him again. When he reached to take it his eyes widened at the name on the screen. _John._ He actually got a text from John! It had been a long time since that happened.

_Just got home. Nobody’s here thankfully._

Sherlock smiled. John loved when his house was empty, that meant there wouldn’t be his drunken father and sister screaming and annoying him around. Sherlock used to spend his whole day with John so he wouldn’t have to go home, and now he felt like going there and steal him away from his domestic mess. Instead he answered.

**Same here. Are you okay?**

His phone buzzed some seconds later. John really wanted to talk to him then. His chest was on fire when he thought about it.

_‘Course, why wouldn’t I be?_

**You seemed upset.**

_Oh that was nothing. What are you doing?_

**Texting you, obviously.**

_Haha, very funny. Were you thinking?_

**Yes. And you?**

_What were you thinking about?_

Sherlock hesitated for a moment. Should he say the truth? John was the one who started to text him after all, and he was asking all the questions. Maybe he wanted to hear it. Or maybe Sherlock was misunderstanding the whole thing. No, Sherlock never misunderstood anything. He decided to be direct and simple:

John answered faster than he thought. Sherlock closed his eyes and took a deep breath before reading the text message.

_I was thinking about you too._

Sherlock’s heart skipped a beat. He let his phone drop on the floor but quickly picked it up and with shaking fingers texted back as fast as possible. He couldn’t lose a single moment, who knew if John would change his mind? Before he could send, though, John texted again.

_I haven’t realized how much I missed you until this afternoon._

Sherlock was panting now, his hands were sweating. He typed it hurriedly, cursing his fingers when he misspelled some words and had to start them again.

**I miss you too.**

That wasn’t a very clever answer, but Sherlock’s mind was all over the place and he needed to reassure John that he wanted it too, he wanted everything.

_Do you? I wasn’t sure. You are with Victor, after all._

**It’s nothing, John. It means nothing at all.**

_So aren’t you dating?_

**No, I was just experimenting.**

_And it didn’t work, eh?_

Sherlock stopped for a moment. Well, the fact that John was texting him meant that something actually worked. But he couldn’t say that to his love, he needed to keep the context the blonde meant.

_Selfishly I must say I’m glad._

**Why?**

_That means I still have a chance._

Sherlock’s heart couldn’t beat faster. _It’s happening; John is finding his way back to me._ He blinked several times to adjust his blurred vision so he could answer properly without overreacting and causing John to run away again. He wouldn’t be able to handle it.

**You never stopped having a chance, John.**

**But what about Moriarty?**

Sherlock hated bring John’s current boyfriend to this conversation, but he needed to know where they stood. Would John leave Jim? Sherlock’s body shivered with the thought. He waited it for so long that the relief he was feeling now hurt. Like when you spend hours without eating and when you do the food hits hard your empty stomach.

_Can you meet me tomorrow after school?_

**Sure, but won’t he notice it?**

_He is travelling tomorrow morning with his father, they are going to solve some family business. He’ll be back by Thursday._

**Where do you want to go?**

_To the park._

_\--_

“Hey!” Sebastian said on John’s ear when he grabbed the boy’s shoulders from behind.

John seemed startled at first but then his face relaxed, “Hey Seb. Doing alright?”

Sebastian was doing more than alright. That morning before Jim travelled to Ireland with his father he surprisingly called the ginger boy. He said he knew what Sebastian felt towards John by the way he looked at him every time they were together, but he also knew Sebastian wouldn’t try anything out of respect for Jim. And that’s why he needed the taller boy to keep an eye on John while he was out of the country. Sebastian had to clear his throat to disguise his happiness at the request. That’s exactly what he wanted to happen; he was even planning on talking to Jim about it. It made sense and he was more than relieved that the genius spoke first with him. After all, Sebastian wouldn’t indeed try to flirt with John or steal him away from Jim, but his affection was perfect to protect the small boy from possible predators (vide Sherlock Holmes).

“Yeah. You?” Sebastian let go of the boy’s shoulders and moved to stand before him.

“Fine, but ugh—“ John rolled his eyes and sighed, “Jim doesn’t stop texting me! He’s gone for only a few hours, for god’s sake!”

Sebastian chuckled, “He worships you, that one.”

“I think love should have a speed limit or something!” John muttered putting his cellphone in his trousers.

“I was thinking about grabbing something to eat after school. What do you think?” Sebastian proposed walking beside the boy on the corridor towards their next class.

“Sorry mate, I can’t today. Tuesday is cleaning day and I’m the only one who cleans anything in that house.” John furrowed his brows as he spoke and Sebastian found that adorable.

“Need help?”

“Oh no, thank you though!” John smiled at him and Sebastian’s stomach did that funny thing it only happened when the blonde was around.

\--

John had asked Sherlock to wait for him in the park. They couldn’t leave the school together, otherwise people would suspect something. Nothing could destroy his mood today, not even Victor rumbling about them and their relationship and blah blah blah. Sherlock didn’t pay him much attention, just said it was all over and they didn’t need to talk ever again. Sherlock left before Victor could start complaining and protesting again, he didn’t have time for it. His mind was full of John today. _Oh who am I fooling?_ _My mind is_ always _in John mode._ Although today was a special day. The day John would go back to him.

He was seated against their tree with his backpack and coat thrown aside and his legs crossed on the ankles. It took ten minutes for John to arrive all flushed and panting from running. Sherlock moved to stand up but John shook his head silently asking him to stay where he was. The blonde flung his backpack and jacket near Sherlock’s on the very green grass before falling down next to the dark haired boy, hands crossed above his head. “It’s been a while”, he whispered.

Sherlock shifted his body so he was laid down facing John. “Yes”, it was all he could say. He wanted to touch him so badly, but he was afraid to do so. His love turned to stare at him and the most beautiful smile appeared on his face.

“I… I didn’t think this would happen again. I’m not even sure of what I want.” John said, his tone was fearful and a bit nervous. Sherlock waited for him to continue, he wouldn’t dare saying anything now. “I mean… I promised myself I would never let you go again, but I thought of doing that as a friend, and now… Seeing you with Victor was hard, I need to say. I thought I was done with my romantic feelings for you, but I am not. Tell me how can I let it be when it’s consuming me?”

Sherlock felt his face red. He moved closer to John who was now looking at the sky, body flat against the ground. It was hard not to attack John right there, ravish him with his mouth. “John…” Before he could say anything though, his love reached his hand to touch Sherlock’s cheekbone gently.

“Tell me you love me, Sherlock. I need to hear it.” John closed his eyes and parted his lips.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world.” Sherlock said with all his heart, cupping John’s face with his shaking hands.

John opened his eyes and Sherlock drowned on those pretty dark oceans. He couldn’t hold anymore, so he closed their distance. His lips were home. Their mouths fit together perfectly, like they were made for this. They were. Sherlock moved to be on top of John and they kissed deeply and desperately like there was nothing else in the world but themselves. They were not only giving off sparks anymore, now they were catching fire and it was the best feeling in the universe.

\--

Sebastian knocked three times and nobody answered. It was about time for John to be home. The ginger boy wanted to help with the cleaning, he thought John refused him because of pride but he knew how much it sucked to be used as a maid by an abusive family. Plus he wanted to spend his afternoon with John, he had many things to tell him about the rugby practices and the army applications. He knocked again and nothing.

“Nobody’s home. The younger Watson hasn’t arrived yet, which is uncommon actually.”

Sebastian turned around to see an old woman watering the plants of her garden. “Oh thank you, ma’am”, he said walking away from the house. Where was John? Part of him said he was overacting, John probably went to the supermarket or another place to buy something for the house. The other part told him that even if he had gone through these places he would be home by now. Sebastian got out of school long after the bell rang because of the practice, and then he had passed on his house to change clothes and eat something, so there was enough time for John to arrive.

He took his cellphone and texted John. Just in case.

**_Hey mate, how’s the cleaning?_ **

It took a while for his answer to come; he was waiting for his bus to come when he read the message.

_Tiring! I’m finishing it though, just another room to sweep and I’m done._

Sebastian squeezed his phone so much it could break.


	9. Have you been thinking about him around me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> Thank you so much for all the support! Your kudos, comments and bookmarks definately help me a lot! (:
> 
> You know, this chapter is not betad or britpicked, so forgive my mistakes, please!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it ;*

 

Sebastian watched John. Since the “cleaning incident” he kept his eyes on the boy wherever he went, always at a safe distance. With the right contacts he knew exactly when and where John would go, and for Sebastian’s surprise – or not – the blonde boy spent his entire Wednesday and Thursday afternoon sneaked away with Sherlock, most of the time snogging under a tree in the park, but once they had the audacity of going to a cinema. It made Sebastian sick of jealousy and anger. Jealousy because he wasn’t a fan of watching John with Jim, imagine with Holmes who he disliked immediately; and anger for what he was doing with Jim. How could John be so cold to cheat on Jim like that? In plain daylight? All the times he spoke to the boy he didn’t see any regret or guilt in his blue eyes. It was heartbreaking and jaw-clenching at the same time.

In the night Jim was coming back, Sebastian had texted him asking if they could meet each other at a pub that was half way for both of them. He felt Jim was ready to say no but when Sebastian said the topic was one John Watson, the genius agreed in a second. The ginger teen had debated that with himself the two days Jim was out; should he say or should he be quiet? If he was to say it, he couldn’t know how Jim would react, if he was going to accuse Sebastian of lying or if he would hurt John somehow – no, he wouldn’t hurt John – but if he didn’t say anything then the genius would be mad at him if he found out eventually, and he knew Jim would not hesitate in hurting him.

“Moran”, Jim said when he sat across Sebastian at the small table.

“Moriarty”, Sebastian nodded, offering one of the beers he ordered to Jim.

Jim refused, “Talk.”

Sebastian took a deep breath. _Let’s do this._ “I’ve kept an eye on John, like you asked. And…” _Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought._

“And…?” Jim gestured impatiently.

“And he’s been seeing Holmes since the day you travelled.” Moran let it all go in one breath.

Jim licked his bottom lip and closed his eyes for a moment, “Seeing how?” His voice was dangerously low.

“Seeing as snogging the hell out of him under a tree in the park.” Sebastian couldn’t look at Jim now, so he just sipped his beer and stared at the table.

There was a moment of silence. Painful and slow silence. Sebastian finished his drink and rubbed his face with his hands, he couldn’t bear the quietude anymore. “What are you going to do?” Sebastian dared to look the other boy.

Jim’s chocolate eyes were far away from there, something he couldn’t quite figure out made them gleam. “Call Trevor.”

\--

“Jimmy!” John exclaimed cheerfully when Jim as deftly as usual climbed the tree outside his boyfriend’s window and jumped inside his bedroom later that night. “Baby, you must be extremely tired, you didn’t have to come here.”

Jim didn’t answer, he just grabbed John by the waist and kissed him roughly. The moans coming from the blonde’s mouth showed he was enjoying it. _Does Sherlock kiss you like this?_ Jim lowered his head to kiss down John’s jaw and neck, nipping and kissing ardently. He shoved John down their bed and his boy’s eyes were filled with lust at the act. In a blink of an eye they were both naked, Jim on top of John rolling his hips to cause the boy to squirm and groan beneath him. _Does Sherlock make you feel this good?_ With no words, Jim simply licked his fingers and started to work John open. John shivered and covered his own mouth to stifle a loud sound at the surprise. Jim had never done this before. Usually he was gentle and patient, opening John with lube and delicacy. But tonight he wasn’t feeling very sweet and he had a point to prove. Removing his fingers, Jim lined himself and thrust harsh. John had both his hands on his red face now, his sweaty chest going up and down with his heavy breathing. “Look at me”, Jim said in a tone that was opened for no question.

John, the good boy he was, acquiesced and stared at Jim. His now dark eyes reflected lust, shock and a little bit of fear. He was relishing on it. That was enough for Jim to thrust harder and stronger, gripping the smaller boy’s face in his hands and kissing him violently, biting on his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. _Does Sherlock give you the danger you need?_ John began to whisper and groan Jim’s name over and over again and when he lowered his hand to give himself relief, Jim patted it away. “No, you’ll come only with my cock inside you.” That made John give a dirty smirk as he wrapped Jim’s waist with his legs. Jim hid his face on John’s neck and thrust some more times before filling the blonde with his cum. His beautiful – and oh so bad – boyfriend followed him right after.

John tried to move so he could clean them both, but Jim grounded him on the bed. “Don’t move.” He said in a dark tone. John ran his hands through Jim’s hair, messing it up and then leaning to kiss it gently. _Do you do this to Sherlock after he comes inside you?_ He lifted himself on his elbows and stared at the blonde in the eyes. _Fuck_. He loved John so much it hurt. He wasn’t even angry with him – he tried, but he couldn’t – he was angry at himself for allowing Sherlock to get closer to John again. That was all his fault, if he hadn’t been so arrogant they would have never traded those jokes and looks at the ice cream shop.

“What’s wrong, baby?” John asked, touching his cheek and frowning.

“I missed you.” Jim answered honestly. He was counting the seconds to be with John again all the time he was out.

“Me too, so much.” John smiled and nipped at Jim’s nose. “So this amazing yet different sex was about that then?”

_Ten percent yes, the other ninety was to prove to myself you are still mine, that I’m the only one that can make you feel this way. Mine, John. That’s what you are._ “You didn’t seem to mind.” Jim smirked. John laughed and it was such a beautiful sound that Jim had to kiss it, suck it to him. “John…”

“What, love?” John asked, his eyes gentle.

“I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.” John giggled.

“No, you don’t understand.” Jim moved off John and sat beside him, pulling the boy to curl beside him, head on his chest. “I love you more than any other person is capable of loving anyone else in the universe, John.” _It’s dark and dangerous. Obsessive and possessive. Consuming._ “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you, and if one day you leave me I won’t bear it.”

John pulled away a bit so he could look at Jim and his eyes held a mix of confusion and anger. “I once asked you to never say such thing again. Why are you doing it then?”

“I just thought you should know.”

He knew John loved him more than he loved Sherlock. And Jim certainly loved John more than Sherlock did, although the other genius may assume the otherwise, and that’s because he hadn’t navigated inside Jim’s mind. He didn’t know all the marble sculptures and golden pilasters that circled the altar he had for John. He didn’t know how blood soaked his love for the boy was; he had no idea how deep the ocean could be. _He is about to find out_.

\--

Victor’s father was a cop, not a great one but that didn’t matter right now. What mattered was that he had a gun that was in a box inside his closet just like Victor remembered. He held it firmly and loaded it quickly and precisely, he had had shoot classes some years ago and he was sure he could kill anyone he wanted from a certain distance. He imagined how John’s blonde head would look with a bullet hole on it. Maybe after it he would take a picture and share on Instagram, how many likes would he get? He could even picture the hashtags. With a sick smirk on his face he put the gun inside his backpack and left for school.

It was very late the other night when he received a phone call by a boy named Sebastian Moran who said he was friends of Jim Moriarty. Victor thought that was weird but he listened to the boy anyway. When he rang off, his face was flushed and his hands were painfully curled into fists. Sherlock left Victor to be with John. John was still dating Jim. Which meant John was fooling both geniuses at the same time. Adorable and good John Watson was a monster inside, and now Victor could see it clearly.

Sebastian has asked him to call Sherlock behind the school at lunch break, there he would force himself on Sherlock, kissing him and grabbing him the best he could. Jim would find a way to bring John in the exact same time that was happening so he could see the fake snog. The plan would benefit him in nothing but it would make sure John stay away from Sherlock. And that’s all Victor wanted now, because he knew for sure the genius would never love him back. All because of John. _Fucking John._ That’s why he knew the boys plan was too weak, it wouldn’t be enough to keep John and Sherlock away from each other. They were like magnets and the junction was bad. John did nothing but poison Sherlock’s soul. So without telling anyone anything Victor made his own plan.

Victor waited patiently until the bell for the break rang. He immediately got out of his class and chased Sherlock on the corridors, his lips turned up when he got sight of the tall handsome boy. “Sherlock!” He called. “Sherlock, wait!”

As expected, he was ignored. Oh but that was not the day to ignore Victor Trevor. He ran and stood in front of Sherlock’s locker. “I need to speak with you.”

Sherlock rolled his eyes and sighed, “There’s nothing to talk. I told y—“

“It’s not about us, it’s about something else. It involves John.” Victor knew _John_ was the key word to call Sherlock’s attention, and it hurt him to know that.

“What is it?” Sherlock snarled but his eyes were worried.

“Let’s go behind the bleachers, I think it’s more private.” Victor was surprised of how his tone was sounding calm and controlled. “I promise you won’t regret it.”


	10. The skeletons you sleep with in your closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos/comments/bookmarks, you're fantastic and great and awesome and I love you! *hugs everybody*
> 
> Sorry that it took me some time to post it, I started this chapter with an idea and ended it with a completely different one! 
> 
> As usual, it's not betad or britpicked, so forgive my mistakes, please! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it, get ready for some feels! ;*

 

Sherlock sighed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms. “What is it, Victor?” They were behind the bleachers, everything was calm and desert, but Sherlock couldn’t be more impatient. He wanted to know what Victor had to say about his John but he also wanted to run to his next class, his blonde would be there without Moriarty. “Spit it out.”

Victor ran a hand through his platinum hair and dropped his backpack to the floor, keeping it closer to his feet. “Well, I want to wait everybody.”

“Everybody?” Sherlock frowned.

Some seconds later he heard footsteps, and soon John and Moriarty were stepping at the scene, holding hands and smiling. Sherlock felt his heart beat faster and his fists clench. He knew John only truly loved him, that he was with Jim for pity. He didn’t want to break the other genius’ heart by breaking up with him, but he told Sherlock he was going to do it eventually, that he needed to be patient. And Sherlock was nothing but it. He would endure everything to have John completely back to him, and for the moment he could carry on having the boy’s spare time. It still hurt, though, to see the couple look so well, so bloody happy.

“Oh John, place’s taken.” Jim giggled, with a cynicism in his face that only Sherlock could have caught. “Apparently everybody decided to snog here today.”

“No, not all. We were just talking”, Sherlock hurried to speak before John could understand something wrong.

“Anyway, let’s go somewhere else, Jim.” John squeezed the boy’s hand and tried to go away.

“Nobody’s going anywhere.” Victor suddenly said. No eyes were on him for a minute and that was long enough for the boy to suddenly point a gun on John’s direction.

“What the fuck?” John exclaimed.

Sherlock widened his eyes and immediately moved to stand between the gun and John. But before he could give a second step, Victor shot the floor near his left foot. Everybody shivered with the noise, stilled in their places. “Nobody move or I’ll fucking shoot!”

“What are you doing, Victor?” Moriarty asked with clenched teeth.

“Just chatting!” Victor grinned. “I believe John has some things to say. Right, John?”

“What? You’re crazy!” John said, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible.

“Did you know that Jim knows you’re fucking Sherlock behind his back?” Victor tilted his head and laughed. “You truly deserve a round of applause, John! You managed to fool two geniuses at the same time! Congrats!” Victor made a mock bow and held the gun with both hands after. John looked down and blinked nervously, Jim was glaring at Victor with so much hate it was almost palpable. Sherlock wanted nothing but to take the gun and shoot Victor a thousand times and then shoot Jim a thousand more. “Say it, John! I want to hear you admitting it!”

John’s mouth was a thin line but his heavy breathing betrayed his attempt at seeming calm. “There’s noth—“

“Oh please, John! If you don’t say it right now I’m going to shoot Jim in his legs. How does that sound?” Victor’s tone was cold and sharp.

“Leave him alone, Victor!” Sherlock snarled.

“And if you don’t shut up, I’ll shoot John’s legs and then I’ll make him say anyway. Does that sound good too?” Victor snapped.

Sherlock’s body shivered, just the image of John’s wounded body hurt him deeply like a billion knives in his guts, and the fact that the situation was out of his control agonized him to the extreme. He looked at John that was all flushed, his beautiful face red and sweating. Sherlock almost forgot everything and ran to hug him, protect him; but he knew if he did that he would only put his boy in more danger instead of helping.

“Come on, John! Say it!” Victor shouted.

John bit his bottom lip and closed his eyes before cleaning his throat. “Yes.”

“Yes what?” Victor prompted.

“Yes, I’m going out with Sherlock while dating Jim.” John sighed and for a second Sherlock thought he would fall into tears.

“Everybody knows that! Right, Jim?” Victor looked at Jim and the other genius just narrowed his eyes. “I want you to admit something else, John. Not this. This is too easy.”

“What then?” John hissed.

“That you don’t love either of them! You’re using them just to have some fun out of your boring life. Tell them!”

John shook his head, “That’s not true at all!”

“Oh yes it is. You love nothing but yourself, John. And I’m tired of it! I am the one who loves Sherlock more than anything and you’re the one who gets him! I don’t understand! It infuriates me and you’re going to pay for it, John. Enough of your bullshit…”

“I love them both!” John interrupted Victor and now his eyes were filling with tears.

“How dare you?” Victor stepped closer and his gun was really close to John’s forehead now. Sherlock’s nails were painfully stinging his palm. He needed to do something. But what? One move and John dies. He could see Moriarty was considering the same things. “This will feel so good!” Victor spoke, and when his fingers were about to pull the trigger a noise cut the air.

Blood squirted on Sherlock’s face and he needed to close his eyes and rub his hands on them before staring at what had just happened. Victor had dropped his gun, his hand bleeding uncontrollably. Sherlock noticed a bullet hole in it, by the wound it looked like was shot from far away. Before he could deduce anything more, though, Moriarty was faster and picked Victor’s gun from the floor. Hard footsteps before their heads were heard and two seconds later a very cool Sebastian Moran came to sight, holding a Sig with his right hand.

“Everybody okay?” He asked looking at John and Jim.

John nodded, his entire body shivering. Jim didn’t answer, just kept pointing the gun at Victor’s writhing and whining figure on the floor. Sherlock went to John and grabbed him by the waist, the smaller boy started to sob on his chest, hands holding him tight on his back. Jim turned his head to look at them, Sherlock saw a dangerous fire there. His head shifted to Victor again and as soon as the taller genius noticed what the other would do, he covered John’s ears with his hands, kissing the top of his head.

Three shots. Two on Victor’s knees and one in his head.

\--

Jim stared at Victor’s dead body on the bloody floor. He never thought it would be so easy to kill another human being like that. But of course it would feel nice, feel right. This obnoxious and pathetic boy was threatening the thing he loved the most in the world after all, and even if Jim didn’t have the chance to shoot him now he would find a way to do it later. No one messed with John and got out alive. With that in mind he changed his aim to Sherlock’s curly head that in the moment was hugging _his_ John.

“Jim?” Moran asked. “We need to deal with it before.” He pointed at the corpse.

Jim took the trouble to look at Sebastian only because he had saved John by shooting Victor’s hand. “Don’t worry, my father has contacts.”

“My brother too.” Sherlock said darkly.

John lifted his head from the other genius’ chest and looked at Jim who still had his gun pointed at Holmes’ head. “What are you doing, Jim? Put the gun down.” His lovely cheeks were pink and his lips were adorably pouted.

“You almost died because of him, Johnny. He does nothing but hurt you.” Jim said, trying to keep his voice low and reassuring.

“You were the one who brought John here. Tell me, Moriarty, was that a plan? You wanted John to Victor and me together?” Sherlock said smugly.

“What?” John pulled away from Sherlock and crossed his arms, his head constantly turning from one genius to the other.

“It’s your fault, Holmes! You just couldn’t let John be happy with me, oh no, you needed to try and steal him and you couldn’t realize how much you’d hurt him by doing so!” Jim exclaimed, his voice going from low to high pitched.

“You’re the one who stolen him first!” Sherlock snarled stepping forward.

Jim also stepped towards him with gun still aimed to his head.

“Stop it! You two, just fucking stop it!” John screamed. “Seb, Seb. Thank you so much for saving me, now please you need to help me here. Say it’s nonsense, nobody else needs to die today! We already have enough trouble, yes?”

“John is right, guys. Jim, please drop the gun. Sherlock, stop talking.” Sebastian said with a firm voice.

Neither Jim nor Sherlock paid him any attention. Jim clicked the gun safety off, “You need to disappear, Holmes. And the only way for that to happen is if I end you here and now.”

“Jim…” John started, his voice breaking. “If you kill him I’ll never forgive you.”

That caught Jim’s attention. He turned his head to look at John who had tears streaming down his face and hands clasping anxiously. “John…”

“No, kill him and we’re done for good! I’ll hate you forever.” John’s tone was certain, holding no doubt.

Jim stared at him for some moments and then clicked the safety on, dropping his hand. “Okay.” He said, and took a step towards John, but the boy walked away on Sherlock’s direction. “John? I’m sorry, you—“

“That’s the real you, Jim? Tell me, how are you any different from Victor?” John spoke with such disgust in his voice that made Jim’s heart shatter into pieces.

“You said you wouldn’t hate me… You would—“ Jim started but John cut him off.

“I don’t hate you. God, I still love you. But how can I possibly stay with you after this? You’re dangerous, more so than I thought! What else are you capable of?”

“Everything for you, my love.” Jim admitted.

“Then let me go. I think that will be the best for both of us, don’t you?” John said, his tone now sad.

“No no! I need you, John. Please don’t do this, don’t leave me. Don’t, please!” Jim could feel tears wanting to fall but he tried to keep them inside.

John closed his eyes and grabbed Sherlock’s hand. The other boy held it tight. “I’m sorry, Jim. But what you feel for me… It’s not healthy.”

“Do you think what Sherlock feels is?” Jim said desperate.

“Sherlock never killed anyone for me. He never even threated your life!”

“He didn’t have the opportunity, that’s why! You know he is as fucked up for you as I am. He tried to end himself, remember? And he beat my arse off the day you left him!” Jim felt his legs tremble and thought he could fall down any moment.

John was quiet for a second, “Still… He gets better when he is with me. You get worse!”

Jim knelt on the floor, at John’s feet. “John, please… I wi—“

John closed his eyes and sighed, and then he looked at Sebastian. “Seb, we need to call the police.”

“We’ll call my brother, he will handle things with the Yard.” Sherlock said, voice cool.

While the boys talked, Jim’s mind wandered. He didn’t have the will to stand up. In fact, he didn’t have the will to do anything. What was there for him if John didn’t want him anymore? His world revolved around John, no- his world _was_ John. So how could he live? He wouldn’t be able to live everyday knowing his love was there and yet so far away in someone else’s arms. It wouldn’t be living anyway, he would turn into a zombie. John was his light, his sun, his air, his entire self. His life. The gun in his hand seemed so seductive now. He lifted it and pressed the tip inside his mouth. Only one word in his mind. _John._

“JIM!” His love’s voice echoed around him.


	11. This sun hasn’t set

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> First of all, thank you all for the support and interest in this fic, it means everything! <3
> 
> Second, I'm sorry this update took so long, I was travelling and only had the time to do it now. It's pretty late but I needed to get this done for you all. 
> 
> I'm so tired and this chapter is not betad or britpicked so please forgive my mistakes!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it ;*

 

Sebastian had a new enemy. He never liked Sherlock Holmes but now he hated him with all the strength in his body. Because of Holmes Jim was in the hospital; because of Holmes that John wasn’t either his or Moriarty’s. Sebastian had jumped on Jim just before he pull the trigger, but the shot caught in his cheek and he had to be hospitalized. The only decent thing Holmes did was asking his brother to clean up the mess. The official filed version on the Yard was that Victor tried to shoot them for passion reasons and the boys reacted in self-defense. The older Holmes bribed the coroner to dismiss the knees’ shots. Still, that didn’t make up for all the chaos Holmes created when he took John away from Jim. Victor paid for what he did; Sherlock Holmes was next in line.

Five days after the incident, Jim was finally ready to leave the hospital so Sebastian stopped there to accompany him home with the driver his father had sent to pick him. Sebastian had visited him everyday after school, they didn’t talk much or even looked at each other but he knew the visits were good for both of them even if no one would admit it out loud. It was nice to have a friend in times like these. Most of the times the only thing Jim asked was if John was alright, what he was doing and if he had asked about him. Sebastian always told him the truth. John seemed happy enough with Sherlock, he was back in the rugby team but only talked to Sebastian once after that day, indeed to ask how Jim was. Nothing more. Sherlock almost growled everytime the ginger did as much as look at John.

Jim looked lifeless, he was pale and so fragile, and it just didn’t fit the strong genius Sebastian admired. He didn’t want to eat or drink, neither did he want to watch telly nor read. He was just there estranged to everything around him, eyes unfocused and breathing weak. Seeing Jim that way only made Sebastian hate Sherlock all the most. He understood what Jim was feeling, he knew that if he got the chance to have a taste of John he wouldn’t just be able to let him go either. He’d probably done worse than trying to kill himself.

He took the elevator to Jim’s bedroom floor. He walked calmly to his door, when he opened it he was surprised to find Jim’s driver and some other security guards from the hospital, but no James Moriarty. Sebastian frowned and asked, “What’s going on?”

 One of the security guards looked at him, expression cold. “Who are you?”

“Sebastian Moran, Jim’s friend. Where’s he?” His tone was cool but deep down he was worried.

“We don’t know, we have people looking for him in the hospital right now. No news from his house or school. Do you have any idea of where he might have gone?” The other guard asked.

Sebastian had an idea alright. “No.”

\--

“Sherlock!” John nudged his boyfriend on the ribs with his elbow. “I’m trying to do homework!”

Sherlock was hugging John from behind, nose on his blonde hair. “I can do it for you later. It will only take a minute anyway.” He planted a kiss on the top of the shorter boy’s head.

John sighed, “I want to do this one myself for a change.” But he dropped the pen and turned the chair around anyway when Sherlock started kissing his neck. “Damn you, stop being so irresistible.” He pulled Sherlock down and made the taller boy straddle him.

They kissed deeply for some moments before John pull away, “Okay, this position is not good. Bed now.”

They jumped on the bed, Sherlock on top of John snogging him senseless. The last five days were paradise to Sherlock, he felt whole with John by his side; he felt _alive_. Even Mycroft - who was against the couple getting back together – was visibly pleased with the difference of Sherlock with and without John. And now that he had John again he would do anything – anything at all – to keep the blonde boy. Sherlock could barely keep his hands away from him, it was like all the things he felt for John before were amplified and he didn’t even know how that was possible. At school he knew some people were murmuring about how John kept changing boyfriends but he made sure to talk to each one of these individuals about certain secrets they kept. After that no one said a word about his John again. _My John._

There was no Victor and no Moriarty to disturb them now. It was true that Moran was around but he would deal with him later. For now he could only think of how soft John’s lips felt pressed against his and how perfectly their mouths fit together. Sherlock sat for a moment so he could unbutton John’s shirt and take it off, doing the same thing with his own seconds later. He immediately left trails of kisses along the shorter boy’s bare chest until he got to the path of dark blonde hair leading to his groin. He palmed John through his trousers, moaning when he felt the hardness there. “Is there something in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” Sherlock teased with a big grin on his face.

 John giggled and blushed, “Oh love, why are you being so hard on me?”

Sherlock smirked and kissed him while his hands quickly managed to pull John’s trousers and pants down. John leaned a little so he could do the same with the taller boy’s. Sherlock took both their erections together and started to stroke them slowly at first and then sped up until both boys were groaning and breathing heavily in each other’s mouths. Sherlock was so close but he was waiting for John, he always waited. He loved when they came together. There was something poetic in the way their semen mixed with one another.

“Sherlock!” John shouted as he spurted on the genius’ hand. Sherlock followed seconds later.

They were panting and red. John curled around his boyfriend, head on his chest and leg crossing with Sherlock’s. The dark haired boy ran one of his hands gently through John’s mussed blonde hair. “Whoever said nobody’s perfect certainly hasn’t met you”, Sherlock whispered kissing his head.

John snorted, “Right.”

“What? You are. You know you are.”

“Sure.”

“John”, Sherlock moved his body so he could sit with his back against the headboard, John shifted to sit beside him. Sherlock touched the boy’s cheek. “What’s the matter?”

John sighed. “It’s just that… You all seem to think I’m some kind of saint, all perfect and miraculous. That I’m everything you need and that you can’t live without me. And—“

“It’s true, John.” Sherlock cut him off. “I can’t—“

“No, Sherlock. Listen! You and Jim are just… You guys have no idea how it makes me feel, okay? When you tried to…” John closed his eyes for a moment, “I felt so guilty and the pain was excruciating! And now it’s worse ‘cause I actually got to see Jim put the gun on his face and pull the fucking trigger! Because of me! It destroys me that you think you depend on me that much.” John rubbed his face with his hands.

Sherlock cupped his head, “I’m really sorry for all the pain I caused you, and if it’s going to make you feel better if I tell you I won’t do it again if you ever leave me then I will, but we both know it would be a lie.”

John grimaced. “Fuck! Minutes ago everything was alright. We were doing what every normal teen couple does, and then you just reminded me that we are not a normal teen couple!”

“John—“ Sherlock tried to grab John’s arm when he stood up angrily from the bed but the boy patted him away and started to get dressed.

“Why can’t you just love me right? You sound like Jim sometimes, you know?” John laughed but there was no humor. “I broke up with you ‘cause of it and then I broke up with Jim ‘cause of it too. Maybe I should destroy this bloody cycle!” John said while he put on his shirt on.

Sherlock started getting dressed as well but he stopped and frowned when John said the last sentence. “What do you mean, John?”

“You know pretty well what I mean.” John crossed his arms on his chest, expression coldly serious.

Sherlock gave two big steps and hugged John tight. “No no. John, I’m sorry if I suffocate you. I’ll try to keep it to myself, I promise. I’ll try to be a… Normal boyfriend for you.”

John hesitated but hugged him back. Sighing he said, “Sherlock… Okay. One more chance, yes? Gosh, you should see a therapist. Really, it’s not healthy.”

“Anything, John. Anything for you.” Sherlock whispered in his ear.

\--

It was easier than he thought to get out of the hospital without being seen. The hardest part was to walk to his destination. He ignored all the looks people were giving his wounded face, he didn’t really care. There was only one thing he cared about and he was going to get him now. He didn’t have to think too much to deduce John was at Sherlock’s. It was a Friday and when his boy used to date the other genius he always told Jim he was busy going to Sherlock’s house so he could do homework in peace, but Jim knew exactly what they were actually doing in peace. He shook these thoughts off and walked faster, pressing his legs to work as he commanded them to.

When Jim finally arrived he hid behind a lamppost that stayed across from the house. He just needed to wait for John to come out. _And then you’ll be mine again, John. This time there’s no escape, baby._ He stood there for two hours until the door finally opened and John and Sherlock popped out. Jim knew exactly how their dialogue was going to be. Sherlock would offer to take him home, but John would say no, Sherlock would insist and John would deny again, saying that he can take care of himself and would be mad if he didn’t respect his decision. Jim knew all of it because he went through it himself.

The moment they kissed goodbye hurt Jim but he tried to focus on his plans so the pain couldn’t be unbearable. As soon as the door closed and John headed towards the bus stop, Jim left his hiding spot and followed him. When the beautiful blonde boy was crossing an empty alley Jim attacked. He grabbed John by his shoulders and shoved him against the red brick wall. He took the needle he had stolen from the hospital and pressed it on the boy’s neck. “Hi Johnny. Did you miss me?”


	12. He hit me and it felt like a kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people!
> 
> Thank you all for the support, they always make me do a little dance! lol
> 
> I'm sorry I'm not being able to most more than once a week, but I've been very busy lately ;/
> 
> Please, forgive my mistakes in the chapter. As usual it's not betad or britpicked, but I hope it doesn't disturb the story for you.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it ;*

 

The sight of one unconscious John Watson on the bed was too much for Jim. He had a plan and he was supposed to do exactly what he predicted, otherwise the time would run out. But John looked so beautiful and fragile lying down there all for Jim. “Fuck it”, he said as he crawled over the bed to hover John’s body. His love had his blonde hair adorably mussed, his face was slightly flushed and his lips were dried but so delicious – as usual. Jim leaned down and locked their lips together. He knew John wouldn’t wake up, the drug he applied him was strong enough to cause memory lost and complete unconsciousness. Jim had researched a lot before stealing it from the hospital, he had had time after all he stayed there for almost a week with nothing else to do.

He bit John’s bottom lip and settled his body on top of the shorter boy’s. Burying his face on the crook of his neck he started to press soft kisses there, sometimes nipping gently. He wanted to bite and mark, but he knew everybody would definitely notice and then his plan would go downhill. Instead he started to hump on one of the blonde boy’s thigh slowly at first and then increasing the speed as his lust got unbearable. It only took some more minutes of that until he was coming on his pants, body slacked all over John. He breathed deep and blinked repeatedly before standing up and getting ready for business. And how he hated this part.

The last thing he wanted was to cause his John any pain, and he knew that he wouldn’t feel anything now but once awakened the wound was going to hurt and sting. Jim didn’t have a choice though, that was the only way to make John his again. He knew that if his boy eventually found out he would understand it was for the best, although Jim wouldn’t be the one to tell him. He dropped one delicate kiss to John’s forehead and removed the scalpel from his pocket. He sat beside John, next to the head he loved so much. “You’ll see, John. I’m the only one who will always love you no matter how you look.” He knew it was true. Sherlock Holmes might love John now, but the other genius was a vain bastard that got tired of things very easily. Holmes loved John because of his mental and physical contradictions, in his mind John was like a drug he was addicted to. And this drug needed to have all the elements – all the ingredients – to look appetizing for him. So if one part of it was wrong – deformed – than it wouldn’t be enough anymore, it would be missing something of the recipe. Therefore Holmes would leave John broken and needy, which meant free pass to Jim.

With a smile on his face Jim steadily pressed the scalpel on John’s skin, cutting it from the forehead to the jaw slowly and precisely just like a surgeon would do it. When he finished it he leaned back and tilted his head to appreciate his work. John’s beautiful face now had a transversal line from the corner of his forehead to the bottom of his jaw. Jim avoided his lips and eyes of course, he wanted those intact. It would heal bad, he knew, John would have a big scar there for the rest of his life. That didn’t matter to Jim though; the blonde boy would always be the most beautiful thing in his world. “I love you, baby. Remember who you belong to.”

Jim quickly picked up a scarf from the closet and cleaned the his fingerprints off the scalpel. Next he looked for a piece of plastic and rubbed it on a cup he found on the bedside table, after that he pressed the plastic all over the scalpel being careful to not touch it directly again. Done. He let it fall down on the bed, next to John’s leg. Jim gave one last look to the bleeding boy and his heart ached at the sight, but he forced himself to remember that was for the greater good. John would be his again soon. He hurriedly got downstairs and left the house only to walk fast so he could find a telephone booth some quarters from there. Grinning he dialed 999.

\--

Sebastian hoped that Jim wouldn’t do anything stupid. He knew he had escaped the hospital to go to John, he just didn’t know exactly what he would do if he found the blonde boy. _Nothing bad, I expect._ The guards had given up searching for John in the moment the driver’s cellphone rang. Jim’s father had told them their son was with him at his work, he had changed his mind about going home. Sebastian knew that was a lie, Mr. Moriarty was probably just covering for his son. But why would he bother to do it? Suddenly a terrible feeling ran through the ginger’s body and he picked his cellphone to call Jim. No one answered. _Shit_. What if Jim had done something bad to John? Whose side would Sebastian be? He loved John. He knew that now, there was no way of denying it anymore. But the admiration he had for Jim was gigantic. He felt like he should protect the genius from the world because he knew one day the brunette would be greater than everybody, he was made for it. Maybe he would stay on the fence then. Help both sides. It was impossible to choose between love and loyalty.

Seb didn’t mind picking up his keys, he knew that door would be opened. His family was out and they never understood the function of a key. He entered the house and went to the kitchen to drink some water before heading up to his bedroom. As soon as he got inside the room he dropped his backpack on the floor and his mouth gaped in shock. First he thought John was teasing him, but then he walked next to the bed and saw the boy had blood all over his face. “Holy fuck, John!” For a second he was paralyzed and didn’t know what to do. _The police!_ When he was starting to dial the number on his phone he heard the sirens. He ran to the windows and saw three police cars and one ambulance parking in his sidewalk. He ran outside the room just as the cops broke into his house all guns pointed at him. “Hold on! I just found him! I just got home. He’s my friend. Please help him!” He went to move towards the bedroom again but a nervous voice stopped him.

“Don’t move! Put your hands on your head and walk slowly downstairs. Now.” The police officer exclaimed still aiming Seb.

Some paramedics walked into the house carrying a portable stretcher. They quickly passed by Sebastian and disappeared upstairs. _Please save John_. A female officer also passed by him following the others. When Sebastian arrived on the first floor, the cop slowly neared him, “What’s your name?”

“Sebastian Moran.” He answered, trying to look calm, although his hands were shaking.

“Do you live here, Mr. Moran?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Sir!” The female cop shouted from upstairs. “The boy has a severe wound on his face and he was found on a bed.”

“Your room, son?” The cop asked him, turning his eyes to Seb.

“Y-yes, sir. But I didn’t do anything!” Sebastian knew that sounded cliché but it was the truth.

“They never do anything…” One of the other police men said.

The paramedics quickly but carefully brought John’s unconscious and wounded body down. They walked by them going out of his house. The only thing Sebastian wanted was for them to take care of John, he knew his situation was ugly but the blonde was a priority. The female cop got down carrying a small object on her gloved hands. “I found this on the bed, sir. Looks like the crime weapon.”

“A scalpel? Well, take it to the base and search for fingerprints.” He then looked at Seb. “And if they find, we’ll see if they match yours.” He gestured for another cop to step behind Sebastian with handcuffs. “You’re the main suspect, obviously. So you’re coming to the station with us, we’ll call your family from there. Come on.”

The ginger boy swallowed hard. They wouldn’t find his fingerprints on it, Sebastian never touched a scalpel before in his life, but he had a bad feeling anyway. Clearly someone set this up for him. And he knew whom. _Why me, Jim? Why not Sherlock? I thought we were friends._

\--

Sherlock had texted John twenty times and no answer came from him. He then tried to call him ten more times but it always fell into the answering machine. Finally his patience wore out and he decided to go check for himself why his boyfriend wasn’t giving any life sign. But in the moment he was turning the doorknob his cellphone rang, desperately he took it from his pocket without even seeing the name on the screen. “John?!”

“No, brother, but I know where he is.” Mycroft’s voice sounded cool but cautious.

“Where?!” Sherlock snarled.

“Wait five minutes, a car will stop to pick you.”

“And take me where? Mycroft, tell me where he is!” Sherlock squeezed the phone so tight on his ear that his knuckles hurt.

“He is in the hospital. Don’t panic, though, he is stable now.” Mycroft said calmly before ending the call.

Sherlock felt blood running to his head, his entire body shook with fear, rage and longing. He needed to be with John. Why wasn’t he with John now? He should have taken John home! Who would hurt John? Why would anyone hurt John? John was everything good in this world. It couldn’t be Jim, could it? He was in the hospital as well, or so Sherlock was told. Even if he had the means to hurt his John, why would he? He loved the boy – not as much as Sherlock did – but enough to not hurt him. After some minutes Sherlock shook his head, grabbed his coat and left the house, there was indeed a car outside waiting for him. He got inside and rubbed his temples with his fingertips.

Some minutes later – it passed like hours to Sherlock – he finally arrived at the hospital. Stepping out of the car he practically ran to the place, only stopping to ask which room John Watson was. As soon as he had an answer he jolted and didn’t bother taking the lift, it was too slow anyway. He arrived at the right floor in a bit, striding as fast as he could to the room his love was. He immediately opened it, entering with no introduction. When he turned around to walk towards John’s bed, a young girl stopped him by standing on his way. Arms crossed on her chest, eyes red (not from crying, from drinking) and blonde hair messed (from taking a nap). Harry Watson. “Get out of my way, Harriet.”

“Why should I?” She hissed, stepping forward. “I never liked you, you know? You were always so weird and you kept staring at John like a bloody psycho! When he started dating Jim I was so relieved, that one is a good kid if you ask me!”

“I’m not asking you. Now if you don’t step aside…” Sherlock narrowed his eyes at her.

“You’ll do what? Did you have something to do with it? I heard it was one of your classmates. Did John take what was meant to you?!”

“One of our classmates?” Sherlock asked curiously.

“Yeah, probably someone you pissed off went to take revenge on my little brother! Because of you!” She snarled.

“You’re drunk, go home. I’ll take it from here.” Sherlock moved to pass by Harry but she caught his arm.

“You don’t tell me what to do, and you don’t go near my brother!”

Sherlock shook his arm off her grip and he was about to tell her some really awful truths about how a terrible sister she was, how John was always the one who did all the work at their house, how he needed a sister to help him go through his days but she was never there for him. Sherlock wanted to scream to her that _he_ was the most important person in John’s life, not her. But the door opened and a brown haired girl with a face full of freckles appeared, “Harry? The cops want to speak with John’s guardian.”

Harry took a deep breath and pointed a finger to Sherlock. “This is not over, Holmes.” She stepped aside and walked through the door. “Tell them I’m going, Clara.” When the girl disappeared from view, Harry turned again to Sherlock. “You better be gone when I come back.”

In the moment the door closed Sherlock sprinted to the side of the bed where his love was lying down looking so weak and small. _Oh John._ The blonde boy had a big cut on his face that the bandages protected now. Sherlock sat on the chair and gently ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair. “Hi, my love. I’m here now and I won’t leave your side. I promise you.” He felt tears filling his eyes. He knew John wouldn’t listen, they probably gave him too many medicines to stop the pain. “I’ll find who did this to you, okay? And when I do they will wish they were never born. For now I just want you to get better, to rest well and to be safe. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, I really am.” Some tears rolled through his face. “I wish I could swallow all your pain, my John. You don’t deserve this. Maybe your sister is right. Somehow this is my entire fault. But I am too selfish to let you go, I _can’t_ let you go. You’re everything to me. You know that…” Sherlock slightly touched a part of John’s cheek that wasn’t harmed. “I love you, my angel.”

_Whoever did this is going to beg me to kill them before I’m finished with them. I’ll make sure of it._


	13. I am what you never want to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> Thank you all for the support, you know all the kudos/comments/bookmarks make me feel like I'm walking on sunshine <3
> 
> As usual, this chapter is not betad or britpicked, so forgive my mistakes, please!
> 
> I know it sucks to wait, and if I could update it everyday I would, but I just can't so please be patient with me (;
> 
> Hope you all enjoy it! ;*

 

Sebastian was handcuffed and seated at a grey table in a dark room inside the Yard. He spent three days in jail, his parents did nothing to help, in fact they only messed everything even more by fighting with the police people there. They had found Sebastian’s fingerprints on the scalpel, and that didn’t even surprised the boy anymore, he was pretty sure Jim planned it all. The thought of it still hurt him though. Everytime they asked him to confess he refused, he wouldn’t confess something he didn’t do, but he wasn’t going to snitch Jim neither. He was told that it would be a formal court audition to decide his future, but unexpectedly today they had brought him to that dark room and said he should to wait. Seb was going to have a visit.

When the door opened he squared his shoulders and got ready for some hard time – that’s all he seemed to be getting lately anyway. Calm but heavy footsteps approached him and he knew his expression was pure shock when his eyes caught one Sherlock Holmes sitting right in front of him. They looked at each other for a moment – seconds, maybe minutes, he wasn’t sure – and Sherlock’s face was calculatedly blank although he looked quite tired. Finally Sebastian decided to speak, “How’s John?”

Sherlock tilted his head and there was something different in his eyes, “Physically he’s healing well, but mentally… He’s having panic attacks.” Sebastian noticed Holmes was trying to look cool but the sadness in his tone gave him away. When the ginger boy opened his mouth to speak he was interrupted by the genius. “I know you didn’t do it.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened and a wave of relief went through him just as much as a wave of confusion. “How?”

“First, I went to the crime scene and everything looked way too tidy up. If you had kidnapped John and brought him there to hurt him, he’d definitely put up a fight so the place would be messy. So, I figured he was taken there unconscious, probably with some drug. You wouldn’t have the ways to get a drug strong enough to cause memory loss and that much of a blackout; second, I look at you now and all I see is a sad person, not a guilty one; third, the first thing you asked me was how was John, if you were the aggressor you would have tried to convince me you didn’t right away instead of worrying about my John.” Sherlock said everything so fast that if Seb wasn’t completely focus on him he would have gotten lost in the middle.

He didn’t know what to say. Finally he cleared his throat and managed, “But there’s no way of proving it.”

“We’ll find a way, but you need to cooperate.” Sherlock’s tone was ice cold now.

“How?”

“You know how. You know who actually did it.”

Sebastian’s body went still. Jim had done a terrible terrible thing, and Sebastian was extremely mad at him for hurting John and incriminating him. But he just didn’t have the guts to say the genius’ name to the Yard. Sebastian had sworn to protect Jim and somehow he still admired him a lot, but he knew that not telling that Moriarty did it would be disrespect to John. Seb took a deep breath, “They found my fingerprints there, it wouldn’t work anyway.”

“We could make it work, we could find proofs. My brother knows people, how do you think I got this time with you?” Sherlock said leaning a bit over the table.

“And do you think I’d be safe? He could kill me anytime!” Sebastian snapped.

“We can keep you safe. You just need to say his name.” Sherlock gave him a strange grim. “To me first.”

“W-what?” Sebastian asked truly confused.

“Before you spit it out to the police, I want you to say to me for sure that he did it. I am ninety nine percent sure, but if you – his most loyal dog – say he was the one, then I’ll be one hundred percent. And then… I’ll get things done my way before the police put their hands on him.” Sherlock leaned back against the chair, arms calmly crossed on his chest.

“What do you mean ‘your way’?” Sebastian frowned.

“Let’s just say he would get what he deserved for making my John suffer so much.” Sherlock’s voice was low and dangerous.

Sebastian went quiet for an instant. What should he do? Sherlock was definitely going to hurt Jim, but then again, the boy deserved it indeed. But he still cared about Jim. _Damn it, how can you care about a person who did this to you? AND John! He hurt John, and you love John. Now is the time to choose._ Sebastian rubbed his face with his hands and looked at the ceiling before finally locking eyes with Sherlock. “James Moriarty.”

\--

Jim knocked three times on the wooden door. He waited some seconds until John’s sister, Harry, answered it with a big smile on her wasted face. “Jim! So nice to see you!” She said pulling him for a tight hug. Jim had to bite back a cough at the foul smell she was exhaling. Probably drinking even more after her brother’s… Situation. Jim’s gut did a twist at that. He was feeling very guilty for afflicting pain to his love, but he wrote in his mind that it was for the greater good. John and Jim belonged together and therefore the end would justify the means.

“Hello, Harry. How are you doing?” Jim asked with a forced smirk.

“Well, you know… Oh come on in, please! John will love to know you’re here!” She stepped aside so Jim could go inside.

Jim got in and Harry told him John was upstairs in his bedroom sleeping. She said that’s all he’s been doing lately thanks to the painkillers. Jim nodded and climbed the stairs on his own, leaving Harry behind, knowing pretty well that she was about to grab a few beers from the fridge. He didn’t even dare to ask where Mr. Watson was, he had met the man once before and it hadn’t been a very nice encounter. John said he used to stay out for days, where god only knows, but the longer the better.

When Jim entered John’s bedroom he found his boy awaken, staring at the ceiling. Jim walked closer and John turned his head to look at him. The blonde still had bandages covering the wound, but his entire feature was sad. Eyes heavy, pale skin and an anxious air. Jim felt his own heart clench at the sight and he wanted to jump on the bed and cuddle the blonde boy until the rest of their lives, but he needed to do something first to get there.

“Hey Johnny”, Jim shyly said.

“Hi Jim”, John gave him a weak smile. “How are you?”

Jim chuckled softly. This was so John’s, worrying if others were alright when he was the one hurting. “I can’t be fine if you’re not fine. And you aren’t, are you?”

John shook his head. “ The pain doesn’t bother me too much, but… I just don’t understand… They said it was Seb, but why would he do it to me?”

Jim sat on the edge of the bed, slightly touching John’s foot. He looked down before eyeing John. “Sebastian is very fond of you, maybe he couldn’t handle seeing you with Holmes.”

John’s eyes widened. “What? That doesn’t make sense. When I was with you he didn’t mind, why would he mind about Sherlock NOW?”

Jim shrugged and decided to change subject so he could check on something. “How’s Holmes handling it all?”

John sighed. “He’s even more over-protective than before. He sneaks on my room at night to sleep with me and he’s always here. All the time! Even when Harry tells him to fuck off. He’s not here now ‘cause his brother called him to do something urgent.” John crossed his arms, “I get his reaction, but I’m not a damsel in distress, that was just…” John ran a hand through his hair and shook his head.

Jim hid the upsetting feeling that took over his mind. Sherlock was supposed to leave his broken toy behind, not being protective over John. Maybe it was because the bandages were still on and John wasn’t panicking too much yet. But still… Jim felt the need to cover all of his basis in case one failed. “Maybe he’s feeling guilty.”

“Oh he is. He told me so. He thought he should have taken me home.” John gave an annoyed sigh and closed his eyes in frustration.

“Do you think that’s the only reason?” Jim asked massaging John’s foot.

“What do you mean?” John’s eyes narrowed.

“I mean… Sebastian could have done it on his own, or maybe…” Jim tilted his head innocently.

“What, Jim?” John’s tone was adorably serious.

“You wouldn’t believe my theories anyway. And I’m not even sure of it, so it’s not worth telling you.” Jim stared at his hand.

John shifted in bed so he was almost sitting with his head on the headboard. “Tell me”, he said frowning.

Jim faked a sigh and clasped his hands together pretending to be nervous about what he was about to say. “Since I found out this had happened to you it’s all I can think about. So I analyzed it over and over again and got to two possibilities. First one, maybe the police are right and Sebastian did it on his own for jealously. Or… The second one, maybe Holmes blackmailed Sebastian into doing it.”

John laughed bitterly. “That’s ridiculous. Why would Sherlock do that?”

“I told you wouldn’t believe me. I don’t know why I even tried to…”

“Jim. Stop it. Seriously, Sherlock is with me now and that’s all he wanted, so why would he try to hurt me? He wouldn’t do it even if we weren’t together. He loves me too much to lay a finger on me in the wrong way. Just like you.” John said with confidence but a slight touch of doubt in his voice. Jim’s stomach did a flip at his last sentence.

“I thought you’d think that, but pay attention, John. He would take two birds with one stone doing that. Sebastian and I.” Jim said, his voice soft and calm.

“W-what? Why? I’m with him. And how would that make me stay away from you?” John asked bemusedly.

“He’s bringing competition down, John. He’s covering all of his basis just in case you break up and want to get back to me or start something new with Sebastian.” Jim took a deep breath. “He will probably say I planned it all for revenge.”

“No, I… And how would he blackmail Seb? There’s nothing strong enough to make him do it. No, Jim, I…” John was shaking his head when Jim talked again.

“There’s only one thing Sebastian loves more than you and that’s his family, so he would do anything to keep them safe and far from the government’s spotlight.” Jim explained.

“But Sherlock hasn’t said anything about you. I guess you’re over thinking it, Jim. I don’t want to believe it was neither of them; I want to believe it was an accident… But, I don’t know.” John’s eyes were filling with tears and Jim noticed his boy was trying to keep them from falling.

“If he doesn’t accuse me then my suspicious are wrong and that’s it. But if he does then you should be aware, Johnny. A person who is able to hurt their loved one like that is capable of anything at all to get what they want.” Jim said, reaching his hand to strike John’s knee.

“Jim…” John looked down and bit his lip. “Are you alright? I mean… I’m…” He cleared his throat and stared at Jim. “I’m sorry I didn’t go to see you in the hospital, I thought it would be better…” His beautiful face blushed at the words.

Jim stood up and knelt beside the bed, next to John’s head. Gently he touched his fingertips on the blonde’s cheek. “Don’t apologize, I understand. I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me, but I wanted to give a try.” He weakly smiled, trying to comfort the boy. “I’m alright, the wound is healing, but I’ll only be completely fine once you are as well.”

John closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the touch. “Are you okay with Sherlock and me now?” He asked quietly.

“Okay is not the best word, but… I can handle it if that’s what will make you happy.”

“Yes, thank you. I… I realized I can’t live without speaking with you. I need you, Jim. As much as I need Sherlock.” John said as he touched Jim’s hand with his cold fingers.

“I will always love you no matter what, you know that.” Jim lifted and kissed the boy’s temple where the bandage didn’t cover.

_Don’t worry, Johnny baby. We’ll be together soon, and when that happens we will run away from this place._


	14. It feels better biting down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people!
> 
> Sorry it's taking so long for me to update it, ugh I know it sucks, I feel guilty but I really can't post it quickly ;/
> 
> Thank you all for the kudos/bookmarks/comments! Forgive my mistakes, as usual no beta.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it (:

 

“I probably look horrifying!” John exclaimed, cheeks flushed.

Sherlock kissed his hair, “Of course you don’t. You look as beautiful as always, trust me.”

They had taken John’s bandages for real that afternoon and the blonde still wouldn’t look at the mirror afraid of what he might see. His adorable face had a big pink cut through it, but Sherlock didn’t mind. John would always be the most gorgeous thing in the world for him. In fact the scar only made him even more appealing. For the genius it showed how much his boyfriend was brave, and what a great survivor he had been through his entire life. Handling his drunken father and sister, his crazy boyfriends, all the aggressions and disturbing situations he had gone through. Sherlock gently pushed John to stand in front of the big mirror in his bedroom. “Look for yourself.”

John stared at his reflection and for a second his expression was scared, changing quickly to disgusted. “Ugh, I need plastic surgery.”

“Of course you don’t. If you want to, though, I can assure you have it. But you shouldn’t worry about it, my love. You’re beautiful, okay?” Sherlock kissed his temple and guided the boy back to his bed.

John sighed. “I can walk by myself, you know? And I’m pretty sure I can leave the house and go do normal stuff already. I’m physically fine, Sherlock.” John said settling with his back against the headboard.

Sherlock sat beside him, legs crossed on the bed. “Physically yes. Mentally not quite. You know that, John. You’ve been having panic attacks with me, imagine outside surrounded by strange people.” The brunette touched John’s hair softly.

John closed his eyes and sighed in resignation. “Well, I can’t argue with that.” He said leaning on Sherlock and wrapping an arm around his chest, head on his shoulder. This position made Sherlock’s heart beat faster and he wanted nothing more than to hide John from the rest of the world. Keep the small boy only to himself, safe in his protective arms.

Sherlock wondered if he should tell John that Moriarty was the one who did it to him. John’s reaction could go two ways. Either he could believe Sherlock and start hating the other boy, destroying every single good feeling he might have felt for him; or he could think it’s a trick from Sherlock based on jealousy and that could bring them apart. The dark haired boy couldn’t take this risk; he just couldn’t bear losing John again. No, he would keep quiet for a while more until it was proved for real that Moriarty was the guilty one. He wouldn’t, however, be impassive about it. Quite the opposite really. He had everything planned already. James Moriarty was going to have a great time that night.

“Sherlock?” John suddenly asked, looking up at him.

“Yes, my love?” Sherlock ran his fingers through the boy’s soft cheek, where it wasn’t scarred.

“Do you believe that the end justifies the means?”

Sherlock frowned in confusion at the question but quickly responded, “Most of times I do. Although everything has its specificities.”

“What do you mean?” John’s brows furrowed.

“I mean that in some occasions the means can cause a damage that the end won’t be able to justify or fix it.” Sherlock said honestly.

John lowered his head and his mouth pouted just like he used to do when he was thinking deeply. Sherlock thought it was extremely adorable, but he didn’t say anything, just kept waiting for his love to say something. Finally John lifted his eyes at him again. “Okay. I think that too”, he said snuggling closer to Sherlock, closing his beautiful dark blue eyes and nuzzling against the other boy’s shirt.

Sherlock didn’t dare to ask why his boy had questioned him about it, he thought it was better to end the subject there. “Are you comfortable?” He asked instead.

“Yes, very much. Thank you.” John hummed tangling one of his legs with one of Sherlock’s.

“Sleep then, my prince. You deserve it.” He kissed the boy’s forehead and hugged him tighter.

He wished he could stay there with him the entire night, but unfortunately - and fortunately - he had some huge business to take care of.

\--

Jim got inside the car and told the driver to go to the closest bookstore. He didn’t know that driver, but he didn’t mind since his father was always changing employees.  He wanted to buy his John the new edition of The Hobbit. He knew this was John’s favorite book and his current edition was all twisted and torn. Since the blonde was bedridden for some time, nothing was better than reading a very new smelling edition of your favorite story.

Jim heard from some of his father’s acquaintances at the police that Holmes had talked to Moran two days before. This should have made him mad but he was actually relieved. They probably got to the conclusion that Jim had hurt John – this memory still stung him in the heart – so the next step would be for Sherlock to tell the blonde boy that, and if Sherlock did that John would think for sure that Holmes was planning on Jim, that he was the real one to blame after all. Just like Jim had told him it would happen. John would soon be his then. Even if Holmes decided to tell the police first, they had no evidences against him.

Jim had an idea on where the bookstore was so when the driver turned the car to an unexpected right he frowned and leaned so he could talk to the man. “Hey, you’re on the wrong way.”

“No, sir. I’m on the right way”, the driver answered coldly without taking his eyes off of the street.

“No, you’re not! You shouldn’t have turned that right. Go back.” Jim was getting annoyed.

“I will, as soon as I get there”, the man said coolly still staring ahead.

“You won’t get there going this way!” Jim exclaimed throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

“Oh but I will”, he said with a small grin.

And that was when Jim realized the trap. He didn’t have time to do a single thing before the driver sprayed something on his face, making him pass out on the car seat. Darkness took hold on him.

The first thing Jim saw when he woke up was a big white lamp hanging from a dark ceiling. The air was moist and heavy, there was a strong smell of dust and rust around. Jim perceived he was sat down on cold surface, and his limbs were all restrained on the strange chair. Suddenly there was a loud noise of an object being moved next to Jim’s body, he tried to look at it but everything was so damn dark. He heard steps but instead of trying to scream for help he just listened to them with attention. Heavy but calm feet – male’s feet -  determinate and careful. The mysterious man touched something next to the object – maybe a table? – and Jim heard the thing turning on.

“Are you filming this?” John’s voice echoed through the environment.

Jim was going to call for him but then Sherlock’s voice came right after. “No, I turned it off. You can continue, my love.”

It was a recording. Jim didn’t understand… Why were they playing an audio recording from John and Sherlock? Who was this? Holmes himself? He useless fought the restraints. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. The recording kept going.

“I pity him, Sherlock. That’s why I can’t leave him now. You need to understand it, okay? I’m sorry.” John said, his tone was not sad.

_Pity._ Jim’s heart clenched.

“Why do you pity him?” Sherlock asked.

“He’s very clingy. More than you, I’d say.” John giggled at that. “He has no one else, and I think that if I leave he will do something stupid… No no, not trying killing himself like you, git. But hurting someone else, you know? I feel like he has this darkness inside that somehow I can keep under control, even if it’s a little bit.”

“So you don’t love him anymore?” Sherlock questioned with a slightly anxious voice.

“To be honest… I don’t know if I’ve ever loved him at all.” John’s tone was low.

Jim forgot how to breathe and his heart skipped a beat. His whole world was spinning around.

Sherlock was awkwardly quiet on the recording so John’s voice flooded the place again. “I left you for him because you were suffocating me and he seemed like a nice company. And he is sometimes, but… I can’t handle his attention, it’s… Too much. Like I said, more than yours.”

Sherlock chuckled softly, “I doubt that.”

As soon as the recording was over a big white screen appeared in front of Jim, and he could see the projection coming from somewhere behind him. Scenes with John and Sherlock snogging, cuddling and even masturbating were being showed over and over again. When Jim thought it couldn’t get worse, the recording started to play again. So Jim was surrounded by the obnoxious videos and the unbearable audio. His face was flushed with tears, his sobs were almost as loud as the recording and he found himself biting his tongue so he couldn’t beg them to stop. This was pure torture, the worst kind for Jim. He wanted to die. He wanted to disappear, to just vanish from this world. But he wouldn’t do it. No, he had to take John with him.

It was obvious to him that it was Holmes’ doing it, and he probably was the one commanding the objects in the room too. But no fact would ease all the pain and agony he was feeling. John really said those things, it was his voice… Jim knew his voice better than any other voice in the world so he had no doubts. Still, he couldn’t believe his boy would speak such terrible things. _Holmes. It’s his fault, not Johnny’s. Maybe he forced Johnny to say those words. Maybe he messed up with his head, maybe… Maybe…_ Jim tried to make himself stop crying, he didn’t want to give Holmes this pleasure, but he just couldn’t. It was like a part of his body was being taken away from him. _My heart_.

They never stopped. Jim lost count of how many times the video and the audio were replayed. Two hours, five hours, maybe days… He had no idea. All he knew was that he didn’t beg Sherlock to stop. But it was getting worse – what he thought impossible -, the audio got louder and the sentences ‘I pity him’ and ‘I don’t know if I’ve ever loved him’ were repeating like punches on his guts, making his body feel tiny, like he was wilting. It was too much, he couldn’t take it any longer. _Johnny, why?_

“Stop it! Please, for fuck’s sake! Stop it! I beg you, END IT OR END ME!” Jim screamed with all the little strength he had in his body.

It ended indeed.


	15. No wise words gonna stop the bleeding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> Thank you all for the support, it means a lot (:  
> This chapter is - as usual - not betad or britpicked, so forgive my mistakes, please!
> 
> I hope you all enjoy it!

 

_"Are you filming this?” John asked when he saw Sherlock pointing the cellphone at him. The dark haired boy pressed the recording button, turned the screen off and dropped his phone on the couch._

_Sherlock was getting the habit of recording their conversations whenever they were within four walls. He liked to listen to them when they were apart and he couldn’t call or text John. It comforted him. “No, I turned it off. You can continue, my love.”_

_John sighed, “Ugh some days are worse than others.”_

_"You should just come live in my place, John. Leave your father behind.” Sherlock said, kissing his cheek._

_“I pity him, Sherlock. That’s why I can’t leave him now. You need to understand it, okay? I’m sorry.” John said turning his eyes to look at Sherlock._

_"Why do you pity him?” Sherlock asked._

_“He has no one else, and I think that if I leave he will do something stupid… No no, not trying killing himself like you, git. But hurting someone else, you know? I feel like he has this darkness inside that somehow I can keep under control, even if it’s a little bit.”_

_“This darkness you talk about is called alcoholism, my love. He should get treated and not leaving you with all the responsibilities, since your sister is as bad as he is.” Sherlock traced patterns on his boyfriend’s arms._

_“I know, Sherlock”, John’s tone was serious. “But I’m his son and I’m supposed to take care and love him.”_

_“So you don’t love him anymore?” Sherlock asked, resting his chin on the top of John’s head._

_“To be honest… I don’t know if I’ve ever loved him at all.” John said quietly. He waited for a second but continued, “That doesn’t change the fact that I need to be there for him – and Harry – I can’t help feeling responsible.”_

_“I know. You’re too good for this world, John. You’re a natural caretaker. I should know… Jim should know…” Sherlock said, his tone getting low. The name of Jim was almost spitted out of his mouth._

_John took a deep breath. “Don’t bring Jim up, I’m feeling guilty already.”_

_Sherlock frowned. “You shouldn’t. We belong together, John. Jim is just a bump on our relationship, but we’re making it through.”_

_John looked down. “Don’t talk about him like that, Sherlock. I love you, but god help me, I love him too.”_

_Sherlock’s heart clenched and his breathing faltered for a moment. The words hurt but he knew John was fooling himself. His_ _boyfriend was too good to admit that he didn’t love Jim anymore, especially now that he’s seeing Sherlock behind the other boy’s back. Soon enough he would realize, though, that Sherlock was the only one he loved, the only one he belonged to. He forced his tone to be clear and calm, “Not how you love me.”_

_John didn’t answer for some seconds, he seemed to think and that scared the hell out of Sherlock. “The two of you are so alike.”_

_Sherlock snorted. “No, we’re not.”_

_John chuckled softly. “Yes, you are.”_

_How so?” Sherlock buried his nose on John’s beautiful hair._

_"He’s very clingy. More than you, I’d say.” John giggled. “But it’s close. Hum… You two are brilliant, true geniuses. And you’re both a bit too desperate for me.” John tilted his head and grinned at Sherlock._

_Sherlock couldn’t help kissing John deeply on that pretty mouth of his. When they pulled back he pressed his lips on the blonde’s cheeks. “I almost feel sorry for him. I know the pain he will feel when you leave him for me.”_

_John bit his lower lip and Sherlock felt his small body go tense. “It’s for similar reasons, you know? I left you for him because you were suffocating me and he seemed like a nice company. I also thought he wouldn’t overwhelm me like you did, I thought he’d be more comprehensible.” John sighed. ”And he is sometimes, but… I can’t handle his attention, it’s… Too much. Like I said, more than yours.”_

_Sherlock held him tighter and chuckled low, “I doubt that.”_

\--

Sherlock was not proud of what he had done, but he wasn’t feeling bad about it either. It took a lot of effort and work to edit the audio recording, steal the lock from one of his brother’s warehouses, and pay one of his homeless acquaintances to pretend to be the driver (who was having dinner somewhere else paid by Sherlock). He had to acknowledge that Moriarty was very strong; he lasted five hours before begging Sherlock to stop. A part of him was apprehensive because he knew that if John eventually found out they would be done and this thought was unbearable to Sherlock; but another part of him was very pleased that he managed to achieve success. He knew after that Jim would be quiet for a while.

When he arrived home and walked to his bedroom the first thing he did was texting his love, although he knew that by the time on his watch the blonde would be sleeping.

**Everything alright, my love?**

He set the phone on the bedside table and went to take a shower. When he finished he put on his pajamas and jumped on the bed, grabbing his phone. For his delightful surprise there was a message on the screen with John’s name on it. With a silly smile on his face Sherlock unlocked it to read.

_Yeah, can’t sleep. You?_

**I’d be better with you here.**

_I miss your arms around me, baby. I’d sleep better._

Sherlock’s heart beat faster and he felt his face getting reader. Only John could make him feel this way, so out of character. Sitting on the bed Sherlock answered his boyfriend quickly.

**Do you want me to come to you?**

_I don’t want to be trouble, Sherlock. But selfishly I’d love you here, yes._

Sherlock got out of bed in one quick move. He loved when John asked his company. Usually Sherlock was the one to offer, ask and give, but of course he didn’t mind. Any time spent with John – whoever was the one to make the first move – was the best time in Sherlock’s day. That was only natural, of course, since John was the best thing in his life.

**On my way.**

\--

“I need you to do something for me, Sebastian.” Jim said, voice exhausted and sad.

“How can you be so cocky? Do you really think I’m going to help you with anything else? After everything you’ve done to me?” Sebastian snarled on the prison’s phone.

The jailor had come to take him out of his cell, saying he had a call. Sebastian knew he wasn’t allowed to have any calls outside the visitor time, especially that hour of the night. So he realized it was Holmes or Moriarty, since both had connections on the police. He didn’t want any of them; the two meant nothing but trouble in his life. The only person he wanted to talk to was John. He missed John. And he wanted so much to ask him sorry, even though he didn’t do anything. Sebastian just wanted John to know he was innocent. So, when he heard Jim’s voice on the phone, he almost hung up. Unfortunately that stupid loyal part of him was still strong.

“I know. I’m sorry about that, Sebastian, but it had to be done. You know that.” Moriarty said, and Seb noticed he sounded broken.

“No, I don’t! You could have done with someone else. But no, you chose me! I think that ends things between us, Moriarty.” Seb said, trying to keep his voice calm and severe. Although he didn’t know for sure if he wanted to end his relationship with Jim. He still admired and somehow cared about the little fucker.

“You’re right, Seb. But…” Jim started but was interrupted by a very angry Sebastian.

“Don’t call me that!” He hissed. “Only John can call me that!”

Moriarty hesitated on the other side of the line. “What I’ll ask you has to do with John”, he finally said, his tone low and grave.

“Of course it has. But I don’t want to be part of it anymore. Leave him alone! He’s done with you, Jim. You should do the same.” Sebastian exclaimed, rubbing his hand on his face.

“I will. I will, Sebastian. I promise I’ll leave John alone, I promise I’ll let him be happy with Sherlock. But I just need to do one last thing… I really do.”

Sebastian frowned. Jim sounded desperate, his tone was almost pleading. Something serious happened, that much was obvious to Seb. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what, and he certainly didn’t believe Jim’s promises for a second. It was easier pink elephants fly and dragons fall down from the skies than Jim Moriarty let John Watson go.

“What is it?” Seb asked and hated himself for it.

He heard Moriarty sighing in relief. “Okay, I need you to listen to me carefully.”

\--

Sherlock climbed the usual tree to John’s opened window; he could to this with his eyes closed. When he entered the room everything was strangely dark. John normally left the bedside table’s lamp on so Sherlock wasn’t blind, but now there was no light on the room. Sherlock walked towards his boy’s bed and called, “John? Is everything alright?”

There was no John on the pillows. Sherlock frowned and suddenly heard some kind of muffled moan coming from the opposite side of the bedroom. Before he could do anything the lights went on. Sherlock narrowed his eyes and looked in disbelief at the scene before him. John was pressed tight against a taller body next to the wall; his mouth was being covered by a big hand and his eyes were widened in sheer panic. The figure behind him was holding a gun to his John’s head, the other hand was grabbing the blonde’s waist in a rough grip keeping his back flustered against his chest. The man was in his mid-fifties, light blonde hair, unshaved and dressed with abandon. Sherlock could clearly see he had suffered a terrible loss recently, had been drinking and was fired from his job at the police. Suddenly he understood. _Oh._

As much as Sherlock wanted to jump on the man and free John from his grasp, he needed to be reasonable. Any jolt would mean a bullet on his love’s head and that was unconceivable. Slowly he lifted his hands up and tried to keep his voice cool. “Mr. Trevor. Let’s talk.”


	16. Cut out all the ropes and let me fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> I'm so sorry it took me so long to update it! And I'm sorry if this chapter isn't good enough. I've been having some trouble this last weeks, and it's defintely disturbing my writing, but I want you to know I love this story very much and I won't give up on it. Actually I've already picture an ending, and am planning to make it a series :D
> 
> Well, as usual this is not betad or britpicked, so please please forgive my mistakes and weird sentences!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it :*

 

“There’s not much to talk about, is there?” Mr. Trevor said roughly, pressing the gun a bit harder to John’s head. Sherlock’s guts twisted at the sight. Trevor continued, “I found Victor’s diary in a box under his bed, I couldn’t help but reading it. He wrote everything about you two!”

Sherlock tried to step forward but Mr. Trevor clicked the gun safety off, making him stop. “Look. I’m sorry that happened. Victor was a friend. But I really don’t see why coming here will help w—“

“Don’t be cynical, boy! I read it! Victor was obsessed about you, he loved you deeply and that’s the only reason why I won’t shoot you right here! John Watson on the other hand…” Trevor tightened his hands around John, making the blonde squirm a bit. “Ruined his life. That what Victor wrote. He said John fucking Watson set fire to his paradise. His words!” The man took a deep breath before speaking again. “The day my boy died he wrote one single sentence. I know it by heart: Today is a day with many risks, but whatever the consequences are I will never regret destroying John Watson.”

Sherlock felt a wave of anger crawling into his body. If he could he would unbury Victor, resuscitate him and kill him again slower. He hated being out of control, especially when the love of his life was the victim of it all. _Think, Sherlock. There must be something in your Mind Palace that will help you with it._ Before he could say anything, though, Mr. Trevor spoke again.

“My wife blames me for the gun, she won’t even look me in the eye! I was fired from the police! My only son died! What’s left for me?” The man seemed to be on the edge of tears. “You messed up with his head, Holmes. And since I can’t kill you, I’ll do what Victor wanted, his last wish. I’ll finish Watson in front of you, and I hope you enjoy the show!” Trevor spat the last sentence and his face was completely red with rage.

He made a mistake, though. In the middle of his mad speech Trevor let go of John’s waist, which gave John enough room and courage to elbow the other man’s ribs and quickly reach for the gun with his left hand. Trevor pulled the trigger, but the bullet hit the floor. John was faster than the half drunken man so he punched his face and with the impact Victor’s father let the gun fell into the floor. Sherlock knelt to catch the revolver but John’s hands were faster, and for a moment Sherlock was confused as why his boyfriend wouldn’t let him catch it but then he realized. Trevor had a knife too, and he was going to thrust it into John’s ankle. The blonde’s reflex was to protect himself as fast as he could, therefore taking the gun away from Sherlock.

Sherlock hated himself for being the last to understand everything that was going on. First he failed to predict John’s move, then the knife and now the second shoot. The problem was that his mind was overdriving, his Mind Palace was crowded with ideas of what he should do and what he shouldn’t, with different scenes and information of everything he knew about self-defense, guns and hostage situations; the Palace’s corridors and floors were like an open street-market. Ordinary people would say he was in shock. The next thing he saw was Trevor’s body lying on the floor with a bleeding chest. John stood up still holding the gun, his expression was cold and determinate but it changed in the minute he looked at Sherlock who was still kneeling. “Sherlock? Are you okay?”

Sherlock felt so embarrassed. John was the one who had a gun pointed at his head just some minutes ago. It made no sense that Sherlock was the scared and exasperated one. _John was in danger again because of you._ Without wasting more time, Sherlock walked and grabbed John, hugging him tight. He felt John drop the gun to the floor and hold him back by the waist, nuzzling his cheek on Sherlock’s chest. “It’s okay, Sherlock. I’m okay now.”

Sherlock kissed John’s hair and took his chin so he could kiss him deeply. He was so close to losing his love, so damn close. If that had happened, Sherlock had no doubt of what he would have done next. He chose not to think about it now, though, John was safe in his arms, lips on his lips. “I’m sorry”, Sherlock whispered on the blonde’s mouth.

“Why?” John frowned, voice hoarse.

“I couldn’t do anything, and… It’s because of me that –“

“Sherlock, stop it. The man was desperate. I wish I didn’t need to shoot him, he needed help…” John said sadly.

Sherlock smiled weakly, touching his forehead with John’s. “Always worrying about others, even when these others are pointing a gun at you.”

John lifted his eyes to stare at Sherlock and he was about to say something when sirens echoed through the night from outside the house.

\--

Jim was on his bed, curled under the duvets. He felt some relief after talking to Sebastian. It was nice to know he had agreed on his plan. At least that would work right for him. It was too bad Jim wasn’t going to be around to see it. But he would find a way, somehow he would be able to know John’s reaction. He needed to do this, as crazy as it might sound. Jim told himself that was like a second chance, the last one. He wasn’t entirely convinced of the recording audio Sherlock had showed him that night. All the time he was with John, he could feel the boy’s affection. Jim was a genius, for god’s sake, he knew when someone was lying or telling him the truth. And everytime John had said he loved him Jim could tell he meant it.

There was a knock on the door, but Jim ignored it. Another two knocks, Jim ignored again. Three knocks. “Go away!” Jim shouted.

“James, open the door”, his father said calmly.

Jim really didn’t want to see anyone now, but he couldn’t disrespect his father. Especially when he had helped – and would help more – with some situations lately. He stood up and walked towards the door, unlocking it. “Hello, father”, he said after opening it and jumping back to his bed.

“Since you weren’t on dinner, I will speak to you here”, his father said taking a seat on the big leather armchair.

Jim sat on the edge of the bed with his hands clasping on his thighs. “Sorry, I wasn’t feeling well.”

“I know”, Mr. Moriarty simply said. “So, do you still want to do that?”

Jim nodded. “Yes, sir.”

“Are you going to allow that boy to change your life like this?” His father’s tone was more severe now, but still very formal.

“He changed my life in the moment I put eyes on him, sir.” Jim said honestly. There was no use lying to his father. Mr. Moriarty wasn’t a genius like his son, but he surely was a very intelligent man who knew exactly how to control the scene.

The older man sighed and touched his temple with fingertips. “Well, the hill house is ready just waiting for you. I already hired private tutors to teach you indoors”, he stopped for a moment considering before continuing. “Your mother is not happy, you know. After everything that happened, she doesn’t think you should spend time alone.”

“I’m fine now, father. I won’t do anything bad.”

“You always say this, don’t you?”

“But this time is true. I will be waiting for news.”

“Which news?” Mr. Moriarty frowned.

“From that friend I told you about. Sebastian Moran. By the way, is everything right about it?” Jim remembered to ask. It was very important to know.

“Yes, James. You’re lucky some of the lieutenants owe me favors. Everything will be sorted after you leave.” His father assured him. “But I must say, James. It’s very risky. For him, I mean. He would have a better chance of a small sentence and a good parole if he waited for the court hearing.”

“Yes, but he doesn’t know that.” Jim gave his father a sly smile.

Mr. Moriarty looked surprised, but only for a few seconds. “I thought he was your friend.”

“He is. He’s going to do me a favor, and I’m returning it to him.”

“But you’re not, are you? What will he do?”

“I was wondering if you could help with that. The hill house is big enough for a crowd, isn’t it? And like mother said, I shouldn’t be alone for too much time.” Jim tilted his head, posing innocent. He had just thought that now, actually.

“Oh now you can’t be alone? What about the ‘I’m fine now, father’ talk?” Mr. Moriarty shook his head. “You just can’t have your hands clean, can you James? And by doing that I also have to dirty mine.”

“Your hands were dirty before I was even born, father. Let’s be honest”, Jim said crossing his arms.

Anyone else would be mad at the affirmation, but Mr. Moriarty only smiled at his son. “Well, you’re trouble in my life. But you’re also my boy, so I can’t just let you down.”

“You’ll do it, then?” Jim asked.

“Yes, alright. But shall this be the last dangerous favor I do to you.”

“Of course, sir. Thank you.”

Although Jim knew that the truth of that would depend on John’s reaction. Everything would always depend on John in his life. John was his curse, the bag of lovely bones he carried around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things were a bit confusing by the end? Don't worry, you'll understand it soon!


	17. It's so out of line to try and turn back time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> One more chapter to go and we're done with this part. Yes, I decided to turn it into a series (: 
> 
> Not beta'd or britpicked, so forgive my mistakes, please!
> 
> Hope you enjoy it ;*

 

Sebastian ran. His mind had no particular thought besides to run the fuck away from that place. He realized that was a terrible plan in the minute he got out. Of course Jim would trick him into doing something that would benefit only the genius’ part. Sebastian wasn’t mad at him, though, he was mad at himself for being so stupid for falling for the boy’s cheap talk again. He stopped in a dark alley, back against the wall and breathing hard. He would only do this, the last request. And then he was off of the map. Jim would never see him again. Taking a deep breath he started to run again, his head a bit clearer now. _John’s house, that’s where I’m supposed to go_.

He got a bit lost on his way, but eventually he arrived in front of the blonde’s house. The lights were all off on the first floor, but he could see a flick of yellow coming through John’s curtains. He walked until he abruptly stopped on the door. What was he going to say? What if John’s father or sister came to answer? They thought he was the one who hurt their son/brother and they knew he was supposed to be in jail. What if it was John? How would he react? He’d probably beat the hell out of Seb, and the ginger would allow him to do so. For a moment he almost ran away again, silently wishing Moriarty to go to hell. But he couldn’t. His conscious was a dreadful thing and he could say the same about his sense of loyalty. _So be it_.

He knocked three times quickly. He had to wait for some minutes until a very flushed John came to answer it. His expression was first of shock, then anger, then something Sebastian couldn’t quite figure out. And so John said the last thing Seb thought the boy could possibly say to him, “Oh dear god, just come in.”

Sebastian didn’t waste any time, he just got inside the house as fast as he could. He only realized he was shaking all over when John touched his shoulder and said, “I’ll go get you some water. Go to my room upstairs, yes?”

Sebastian nodded and did as he was told. Once in John’s room he sat on the edge of the bed and hid his face with both hands. _Oh gosh, can I do this? John has suffered enough. All because of Jim._ He knew he would end up doing it anyway, though. He hated himself for being such a puppy to Moriarty’s wishes. The genius could throw a stick and Sebastian would go on all fours to get it for him and bring it back as happy as one obedient dog can be. His thoughts were interrupted – thankfully – by John who held a glass of fresh water in front of him. Seb took it and drank quickly, swallowing everything in one sip. Did water ever taste that good?

“Alright. Better?” John asked, sitting next to him.

Sebastian nodded, he still didn’t have the guts to say a word. Why was John being so gentle to him? It made no sense.

“No, it doesn’t”, John said as if reading his mind. “But somehow I know you didn’t do it, Seb. I see many things in your eyes, Seb, but cruelty is not one of them.”

Sebastian felt an immense urge to just hug John and never let him go. He was indeed extremely precious. Instead he cleared his throat and dared to look at the blonde’s dark blue beautiful eyes for the first time since his arrival. “I’m sorry anyway.”

“It’s okay. I already forgave who did it. You’re alright”, John smiled at him, and Sebastian felt so guilty for being the receiver of it. He didn’t deserve John’s kindness. He didn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as John’s. “I didn’t know you were out of prison, but I’m glad you are.”

Sebastian didn’t know what to say to that, the only thing in his mind was _“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry”_ so he just looked around the room to get some time before he needed to spit it out what he should. Something caught his attention, though. It looked like John was preparing to move out. There were some bags on the floor, a few stacked clothes on the bed and shoes all outside the closet. “Are you okay, John? Going somewhere?” He asked in a hoarse voice.

John sighed. “Yes actually, uh… I’m going to stay with Sherlock. Something happened here. Victor’s father broke into the house and… Tried to kill me, but I… Well, I shot him first.” John closed his eyes for a moment then continued, “It was self-defense so I’m free, but I can’t stay here anymore. That was the last straw. So many things happening and I’m just tired, you know?”

Sebastian nodded, but his heart was clenched with sorrow for what he was about to say, and rage for everything that happened to John. “I’m so sorry, John. I’m glad you shot the bastard, though.”

“Don’t be. It’s… Stuck in my head. I never meant to hurt anyone, you know? And I did it with such easiness it scared me. You know what’s worst? I’d do again without thinking if it meant protecting someone I love.”

“It’s not a bad thing, John. I’d do the same.” _So why haven’t you, Moran?_

Sebastian shut his eyes and shook his head, finally taking the guts to speak the deed. “John… I need to tell you something. As soon as I got out of there I went to Jim’s house”, _and so the lies start._ “Something terrible happened…”

John frowned. “What? I haven’t talked to Jim for a few days now.”

Sebastian rubbed his hair nervously. “The reason I got here all messed up is…” He took a deep breath. “Jim did something bad, John.”

“What? Say it, please.” John sounded really worried now.

“He drank all his mother’s pills with whiskey.”

“What?”

“They took him to the hospital, but he didn’t make it.”

Silence. John’s face was blank for a moment before he talked again. “That… That doesn’t make sense, what- er… No, Seb. You see, he said he was okay with everything. He would deal with Sherlock and I, so there’s no way he would… Not again, no…”

Sebastian couldn’t believe he was actually doing that to John. _Great, good, beautiful, fantastic, perfect John._ Maybe Seb should take some pills with alcohol and see what happened. He certainly deserved. “I’m sorry, John. He talked to me on prison some days ago and he told me he was feeling guilty for something he couldn’t say. Not only guilty, but destroyed inside because he knew he would never be with you again. I was worried, that’s why the first thing I did after they let me go was checking on him.”

John’s eyes were filling with tears and Sebastian knew he had to get the hell out of there right now, otherwise he would end up telling the blonde the whole truth and ruin the plan. _Damn, I should most definitely ruin the stupid plan._ He stood up and coughed for no reason but anxiety. John was still staring at nowhere, hands dropped on his sides and mouth gaped. _I’m so sorry, John. Jim said it was the last time._ “I need to go now, John. Okay? Be strong, you’re a brave man. Right?”

John looked like a statue. Seb stared at him for a moment, expecting him to say something or cry or whatever, but nothing happened. He just stayed there immersed in his own thoughts. “Bye, John”, Sebastian said as his heart was breaking into little unfixable pieces. When he was about to go out through the door he heard John’s voice whisper.

“We’re just boys.”

\--

Sherlock kept looking at his watch. He couldn’t wait to go get John. _Finally_ his boyfriend was going to move in with him. It would be the beginning of a domestic life together, he knew it. Maybe John would find it weird at first, but he would have forever to get used to it. Sherlock wanted to be there with him while the boy tidied his things, but John insisted to have some time alone so he could say goodbye to his house. Sherlock didn’t understand it though, John had no reason to be attached to that place; he suffered so much there. But anyway, he would respect his love’s desires. Soon enough John was going be the last and the first thing he would see every day, so he could handle a few hours apart. Although it bothered him deeply.

Sherlock was sat with his back against the headboard with his fingers on his lips when the door to his room opened, revealing a very annoying older brother. “Can’t you knock, Mycroft? For fu—“

“Sherlock. Sebastian Moran ran away.”

Sherlock stood up in a blink of an eye. “Now why would he do something that stupid?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

Sherlock shook his head. “No, he was on my side. Not Moriarty’s. Not anymore.”

Mycroft sighed. “You underestimated his loyalty, brother.”

“No one would be this loyal. The man practically ruined his life! And even if Moriarty had anything to do with it… Why would he want Moran to get away?”

Mycroft pinched his nose. “Maybe he’s paying his debt. Or at least he wants Moran to think that.”

This was bad, this was more than bad. Sebastian running away only meant good things to Moriarty. It would be proof that Moran was the guilty one, and that the bastard was on the wrong side. Yet everything seemed way too suspicious to Sherlock.

“Still… There’s something more, Mycroft. Do you have any idea of where he is now?”

“That’s the critical point, brother. And I need you to keep calm”, Mycroft’s tone changed from serious to cautious.

“What? John?” Sherlock grabbed his coat that was on the chair’s back. “What happened, Mycroft? Tell me now.” He was ready to bust out of the room and run to his boyfriend.

“Hold on, Sherlock. I said keep calm, didn’t I? Apparently John is fine. The cameras showed Moran getting inside the house, but they didn’t catch him leaving it.”

“And what are you fucking waiting for, Mycroft?!” Sherlock shouted. “Let’s go there now! Send everyone.”

Before his brother could say anything, Sherlock was running downstairs towards the closest car. He didn’t wait for his brother. He drove like a mad man, he almost ran over three people on the way and hit the car twice, but he didn’t care. What if Moriarty send Moran there to hurt John somehow? He didn’t doubt shit by now. James Moriarty was capable of doing anything to get John. But so was Sherlock.

When he pulled up on the sidewalk, he didn’t even take the keys with him. The front door was opened so he just ran inside and climbed the stairs as fast as he could. “John!” Sherlock screamed as he pushed his boyfriend’s bedroom door roughly open. There was no one there. No John, no bags, no clothes, no sign of anything. Sherlock growled on his throat and started looking around the house, trying to search for any kind of clue. When he found nothing he took his cellphone and dialed John’s number. No answer.

“Sherlock?” He heard his brother’s voice coming from downstairs.

“John’s gone.”


	18. Love is not a victory march

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people!
> 
> Yes, this is the last chapter of the first part of the series Shadow on Me. I'll try to start part two as soon as possible, promise!
> 
> I want to thank you all for the support! All the kudos/comments/bookmarks inspired me to go on and continue this story. I hope not to disappoint you!
> 
> Also, this chapter is not beta'd or britpicked as you know, so excuse my mistakes, please!
> 
> That's it, see you soon. Hope you enjoy the last chapter. Tell me what you think. ;*

 

Jim loved his birthplace, it was peaceful. In any other occasion he would be more than happy to walk through the grasslands, they always gave his mind that break he sometimes craved so much. But he wasn’t feeling any relief now. His mind was working like never, full of thoughts about John. How did John react? Would John care? He needed to know, but he had no phone or computer in the hill house. His only source of communication with the world – apart from his tutor and servants - was his father’s letters. And he would only get another one in two days.

Jim decided to sit on a rock to watch the sunset. John would love the view; he would think it was romantic. Before John, Jim used to find anything romantic appalling and disgusting. After John, though, everything the other boy considered romantic Jim would make sure to give it to him. If John wanted ice cream on the park, he would do it; if John wanted to kiss on the rain, he would do it; if John wanted him to catch the moon with a golden mesh, Jim would do it. He was becoming Mr. Romantic, although John liked to call him Mr. Sex. He smiled at the thought. _I miss you so fucking much, Johnny._ He wished he could just ask his father to kidnap John and bring him to Ireland. They would be happy living here. The place suited John; it was quiet and calm, but it could also be very adventurous. Jim sighed and ran his hands through his hair. It was getting dark, he should get back home. Although it didn’t really feel like home. _Home is where the heart is, isn’t that what people say? Well, my heart is with John._

Jim walked slowly, wishing silently that he would stumble on some rock just so he could fall down and hit his head hard. That way he would pass out, and with luck he would end up sleep until the letter day arrived. It didn’t happen; he entered the house safe and sound. There were some servants walking around but he dismissed them and went upstairs to jump on his bed. Jim was staring at the wooden ceiling when he heard someone opening the front door. He didn’t mind much at first - he thought it was probably a servant going away-, though when he heard a grave timbre coming from downstairs he got out of bed and ran to see who that was, although he already knew.

“Father?” Jim asked as soon as he stepped on the stairs.

His father was removing his coat and hat, giving them to one of the servants. “James. How are you doing?”

“I’m going. What about you? Why are you here?” Jim was starting to get worried. He was in the hill house for almost two weeks and his father had never showed any interest in coming to see him, something he was thankful for. So something very important should be happening to bring him here. His mother, maybe? “Is mother alright?”

Mr. Moriarty nodded. “Yes, son. We’re alright”, his father asked for some whiskey and sat on the armchair next to the hearth. “I’m here to bring news.”

Jim frowned and sat on the couch. “News that couldn’t be told through letters?”

“They could, but it wouldn’t be fair to you. Not that you deserve any fairness, but still… I’m your father and I don’t want to see you hurt.” Mr. Moriarty’s face was severe now, his expression’s lines very visible. Jim froze and braced himself for what was about to come. “John Watson disappeared.”

Jim’s world whirled. The last time he felt that sick was when he heard the recording audio. He just kept staring at his father; there were no words that could express what he was feeling in the moment. It was a mix of sorrow, panic, fear, guilt and desperation. _His_ John was missing while Jim was in a cute little house enjoying the green fields of Ireland. Finally he managed the strength to speak, “Since when?”

“Since a week ago. Since Sebastian ran free.”

“A week ago? And why am I being informed of it only now?!” Jim stood up. He could feel his face turning a dark shade of red.

“I wanted to tell you in person, and I could only find time to be here today.” His father gestured him to sit down again, but Jim ignored. “James, there’s nothing you can do.”

“You should do something! You have the resources to do so. Why aren’t you looking for him right now?!” Jim scratched his face with both hands. “And where the hell is Sebastian?”

“I tried to contact him, but in vain.” Mr. Moriarty sighed. “Do you really think I didn’t try? I asked all my contacts to pay attention in case they see a boy with his features. I even ordered some of my personal guards to go looking for him. But they end up with nothing.” The man took his whiskey from the servant and sipped a good amount. “Mycroft Holmes is leading an enormous quest to find Watson. He put all NSY to investigate it. Don’t worry, Jim. Sooner or later they’ll find him.”

_Don’t worry?_ What if it’s too late when they find John? The whole city after his love but no one could find a single clue about his whereabouts. Not even Sherlock Holmes. Jim hated the other genius, but he knew the boy would go to infinite and beyond to find John. _Where are you, my love?_ Part of his mind told himself it was his fault. He asked Sebastian to tell John he was dead, maybe that affected his boy more than he was expecting. What if John… No, he wouldn’t do it. John always hated when Jim suggested suicide. He couldn’t do it.

“I need to come back.”

\--

Sherlock sat on the floor of the cold and dark alley. He was on the edge of doing it. The only thing stopping him was John. _When he comes back, he will hate to see me like that._ But it was so hard to hold it. His mind was burning him, hurting him badly. Sherlock turned London upside down. His homeless network hadn’t had a single day of rest since John’s disappearance. Mycroft was almost as crazy as Sherlock about it; NSY was putting his best people on the case, but they hadn’t found anything at all yet. Sebastian was also missing. Sherlock’s mind made the crazy theory that John and Moran had ran away together, but then he kicked himself for even considering that. Sebastian kidnapping John at Moriarty’s request was his first idea, but he couldn’t find anything on Jim. The other genius was in Ireland, and Sherlock made sure to pay a great amount of money to one of his servants to know if Jim had John or even if he knew something. But nothing. Moriarty was as clueless as Sherlock.

Sherlock covered his face with both his hands, he had a heavy stubble now. _John wouldn’t like it._ The door was right there, dirty and graffiti-full as usual. He had the money in his pocket; all he had to do was to knock. He kept telling himself it would be only once; just a fix, no big deal. But he knew that was not true. It always started with one, and then next thing he would be lying in a crack house injecting everything heavy enough to make the world disappear. _No, get up, Sherlock. Go away._ He stood and took a deep breath. He would find John. He _needed_ to find John.

When he was starting to walk away, he heard the door opening. He should have kept going, but he turned around. Two known men were smirking deviously at him, showing yellow teeth. “Oh look what the wind brought us!” One of them said cheerfully.

“Shezza! Care to join us for a talk?” The other continued.

Sherlock knew pretty well what that _talk_ meant. And he knew where it would end. _Ignore them, Sherlock. Get the hell out._

He didn’t.

\--

Mycroft waited patiently on the lift. Girl From Ipanema playing next to his ear and it could even be relaxing if he weren’t in the middle of a chaotic situation. He closed his eyes for a moment and forced himself to breath deep and slowly, focusing on the chilling song. His shoulders dropped a little and his lips turned up with the relief. The tension was still there, but at least it decreased slightly. When he finally got to his floor, he walked as calmly as possible to the door. Mycroft tried to convince himself that there was no reason to be anxious, although he knew there was plenty. What bothered him the most was not the consequences it could bring to his work if they found out, but how his little brother would react.

Sherlock was deteriorating fast enough to worry Mycroft. He was on the verge of using drugs again and that could not be tolerated. Mycroft had almost told his brother so many times, but changed mind on the last second.  Telling him it would be the easy thing to do, but not the right one. Besides, he kept reminding himself that he was doing it mainly for Sherlock’s own good. John Watson was not healthy for his baby brother. At first sight, it would appear to be the complete opposite, but Mycroft knew better. Sherlock _lived_ for John, he was consumed by his love for the boy. John didn’t feel the same. It didn’t mean he wasn’t in love with Sherlock – Mycroft believe he was – but he didn’t feel it with the strength Sherlock did. So eventually he would leave him again, and his brother would fall into disgrace, probably trying to take is life again. Mycroft could not allow that.

At the same time, Mycroft could not allow John to get hurt. He was a good boy who had been through a lot and deserved a bright future ahead of him. The blonde boy was tired. Tired of all the attention being thrown at him; tired of his troubled family; tired of all the harassment he had suffered the past months. So it was easy to convince him to do it. Moran was another thing. He was hardheaded, but had a gentle heart. John’s company helped him, Mycroft could see that clearly. Also, Sherlock himself had said the boy was incriminated by Moriarty, which meant his place was not in prison. A boy like him in prison would not end up well at all.

Mycroft opened the door to his flat and locked it, setting the alarm on. He shrugged his coat off and put it on the holder with his umbrella on the hall. Heading towards the living room he could already hear the boys talking cheerfully. It was nice to know they were feeling more comfortable with the place. When they first arrived, silence was the most talkative character.

“Hello, boys”, Mycroft said as he entered the living room. John and Sebastian were seated on the carpet playing a board game.

“Hey Mycroft”, they said in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! And please tell me what you think about the chapter, I'd love to know! (:


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